Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl - review

2003 (USA)

2011 Walt Disney Studios Home Entertainment 1-4 Box Set Blu-ray R(A/1 B/2)

Contains spoilers.

I was in two minds as to whether to review this film in full or not. One, it has that unfortunate quality of being so damn popular and so damn old everyone who was ever going to see it has done so and already made their mind up as to whether it's a bit of harmless swashbuckling family fun or tepid piratey flotsam and an insult to ol' Edward Thatch. And, two, strictly speaking the cursed zombie-like crew of the Black Pearl captained by Hector Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush) aren't actually zombies or even really that dead. Still, there is a little ambiguity and I have gone to the trouble of watching it so I might as well throw my thoughts out.

I'm on the side that the film itself is actually quite good, and arguably the best of the series. Sumptuously shot by director Gore Verbinski with great stunts and effects it flows effortlessly with an interesting albeit not particularly taxing narrative and is everything you'd really want from a big budget family blockbuster. It was far better than I remembered it and I would certainly recommend it to those on the fence on whether it's worth going back to.

The story? You'll remember all this when I tell you. There's some Aztec gold and Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) of the Black Pearl as a scruffy unscrupulous villainous pirate, decided he wanted it. However on the way, his equally scruffy villainous etc, first mate Barbossa and crew decided to mutiny, leave him marooned him on a small desert island and take it for themselves. This wouldn't have been such bad plan if the gold wasn't cursed.

It's Tales of Monkey Island, high jinx on the high seas, a traditional pirate story if you like, yet with a supernatural twist and a highly eccentric screen stealing performance by Johnny Depp. It's great, honest, and I'm not going to spend any more time on the film. You've seen it anyway. What interests me is the cursed not-zombie kind-of-undead crew.

Positives? The curse made Barbossa and the crew immortal. Negatives? They're now in an undead stasis appearing as ghastly skeletons under moon light. To be honest I'm not so sure it's such a bad trade off. I mean, if they just showed a bit of imagination I'm sure they could come up with a plan that balanced looking a bit macabre and sinister after hours, against the benefits of being impervious to injury and living forever.  Anyway, it seems their loved ones weren't too taken with the whole thing so they've decided they're now on an eternal quest to return all the 882 gold coins of Cortés in Isla de Muerta's treasure and make the blood sacrifice necessary to rid themselves of it. How they knew what to do to rid themselves of the curse is never explained and the whole thing is all a bit convoluted and contrived, but it does provide a semi-coherent narrative to drive the action and mayhem and it does provide a great excuse for brilliant and provocative edgy family horror-lite shenanigans.

They're not zombies in that they're not really dead, they're more cursed to appear dead, but just at night. They're still fully in possession of their souls, their personalities, dreams and desires. They can eat, drink, sing and rape and pillage to their hearts content and there's no revenant drive to seek vengeance; they are evil little oiks, but then they were before. There's no deadness, no loss other than probably being sexually shunned by everyone other than most dedicated Goth; also there's absolutely no eating anyone. There is a bit of The Blind Dead to proceedings, in the skeletal appearance, not strictly being zombies, and all the ships, but I don't feel it's especially intentional. 

With the curse lifted (sorry spoiler) they revert back to being fully alive, mortal and vulnerable once again to being killed. They're undead state was just that, a temporary state, a minor inconvenience.

So, not a zombie film but great family entertainment with a good bit of supernatural and some interesting playing with the alive/dead barrier. Set in the Caribbean it's easy to think Z, and later in the series with On Stranger Tides, which is also a highly recommended book by Tim Powers, we do get see some traditional voodoo walking dead but they're not here just yet. Great effects, great acting, there's nothing here to really complain about, though nothing that really sets the world on fire. Nonetheless it's nigh on perfect, well crafted Disney family fun, like I said, you've already made mind up about, 8/10.

Steven@WTD.

Zombies (Wicked Little Things) - review

2006 (USA)

2008 Momentum Pictures DVD R(2)

Contains mild spoilers.

"Who's been sleeping in my bed?" asked Emma Tunny (Chloë Grace Moretz), the young daughter of newly widowed Karen Tunny (Lori Heuring) after she is forced to take up the residence of her late husband's family's old dilapidated mining house deep off the beaten track near Carlton, Pennsylvania. The answer of course, is a hundred odd year old zombie kid who, along with some friends, has been cursed to roam the hills at night enacting brutal and rather bloody vengeance on all who happen to find themselves out for a stroll. If that doesn't sound nice, you're getting the right idea of what Wicked Little Things is all about.

It's not your usual zombie story, but in what has unfortunately become, at times, quite a tired stale genre, a bit different is more than welcome.  Let's be clear though, Director J. S. Cardone's Wicked Little Things or Zombies is a zombie film. The little kids are absolutely, one hundred percent dead and reanimated soulless little shits that like eating the living, and they're not the same sweet little tykes they once were before the accident.

I say accident. Cruel mine owning Mr Carlton didn't mean for all the imprisoned and exploited little children to be crushed to death but he sure didn't do anything to ensure it didn't happen. Also he was quite happy to give the command to blow the next charge regardless of sweet little Mary's (Helia Grekova) precarious position. Well, the spirits of the kids, or the land, or some primordial super deity also didn't see it as an accident, hence a hundred years on the hollow eyed walking shells are up and about and still really, really pissed off.

We'll call it 'ancient curse' that drives the children and in many respects that makes them more European revenants than zombies in any Romero, Matheson or Fulci mould. They're back for the singular purpose of enacting vengeance, and the blood-lust and cannibalism just happens to be how they go about it. They seem to be drawn to the living, yet they also appear at times to hear and react to sensory stimuli, they don't talk, they use weapons/mining tools quite effectively and they seem to be able to somewhat intelligently work situations to their advantage, i.e. go for the tyres of a vehicle first. They are fired upon at about the three quarters point and they are impervious and although we're left wondering whether a head shot would be able to put them down for good my instinct this time would probably say not. So there's a little ambiguity but that's not a bad thing and fits the mysterious and enigmatic ambience. I also liked that the younger characters have that post modern zombie aficionado's knowledge and can pick a f'ing zombie out when they see one. It's the noughties now and pretending no-one has heard of the walking dead just doesn't wash with any credibility any more.

There's very much a Children of the Corn creepiness to using children as the protagonist. They come across cold and detached, both in their appearance, with hollow eye sockets and expressionless faces that makes them at times appear like mannequins, and through the way they go about sadistically slaughtering their victims. The effect is intimidating and strong. Allied with at times a rather unsubtle score it reminded me at times of 80's slasher flicks especially Jason's killings in Friday 13th.

There's a lot to admire in Wicked Little Things. It's genuinely eerie, full of tension and full of small subtle and well crafted jumps and disturbingly dark scenes. The narrative makes sense, albeit if you're happy to go along with the small off the beaten track trope that in a hundred years no one's really asked too many questions why so many people who visit these woods go missing. The pacing is strong, the cinematography flawless and it all holds together well. A macabre creepy tension-oozie horror full of disturbing ideas, eerie scenes and gratuitous and sadistic bloodshed, recommended, 7/10.

Steven@WTD.

(Bruce Campbell vs.) Army of Darkness - review

1992 (USA)

2008 Optimum Home Releasing Blu-ray R(B/2)

Contains spoilers.

I hate reviewing old cult films. It's not that I don't have an opinion or said opinion is divisive or controversial and will unleash the proverbial internet army of darkness on me. It's just hard to really offer anything vaguely original or garner much interest in a review of a film everyone and their dog made their mind up about a long time ago. It's also hard because I too have old opinions and fond memories though it must have been twenty years since I watched it and there's always the inherent dangers of returning to something after so long.

Talking of a long time ago, (apologies for the awful segue), Army of Darkness marks quite the change in direction from the quite similar in style and story prequels. Right from the start, as wise cracking Ash Williams (Bruce Campbell) crash lands along with his 1973 Oldsmobile Delta 88 (thanks wiki) in 1300AD medieval Europe and is seized by Lord Arthur (Marcus Gilbert) and his band of sword wielding superstitious knights it's clear that Evil Dead part three is to be more fantasy and high jinx than the claustrophobia and brooding of its namesake.

The Evil Dead 1 and 2 are farces of a sort but they're still, in my mind anyway, unquestionable horror flicks full of provocative vision, disturbing ideas and gratuitous bad taste. They're comedies but dark, quite nasty and definitely for adults. Army of Darkness for all the imagination and dark undertones never quite achieves the same level of nastiness or malice and I'd almost use the word tempered. Yes there's still possession, bloodshed, dismemberments and yes Ash still wields his chainsaw hand with manic desperation but it's all rather fantasy horror comedy and The Goonies, than unrepentant and unapologetically dark and The Exorcist. This isn't to say this is a bad thing and does allow Raimi off the leash and able to explore is undoubted talent in a more expansive and extravagant sandbox; it's just the shift in tone half way realised in Evil Dead II is more acute.

Bruce Campbell stole the show in The Evil Dead and quite rightly was thrust front and centre for Evil Dead II. For Army of Darkness he's again, given full permission to leap and bound about with all the goofiness and slapstick that makes his performance so endearing. Yet, such is the overt grandeur and now seeming invulnerability of his character it maybe loses some of the impact it had in his previous outings when the lines and behaviour was more in reaction to the events that were unfolding. This is Bruce Campbell vs. Army of Darkness, not Bruce Campbell getting beat up and driven insane by the Army of Darkness. Ash's confidence was born from being placed in the centre of the an inescapable maelstrom of horror and death, and somehow finding the strength and inner-madness to fight back. Suddenly thrown into the eternal conflict that is the living and the dead some 700 years in the past, he doesn't show any of his previous insecurity coming across perfectly at ease as the one man slaughterhouse and complete hero / anti-hero. Arrogant, uber-confident with the perfect one liner for every occasion he slaughters all who oppose him with ease and precision. It's not all bad, far from it and Bruce Campbell is a delight to watch it's just I think I prefer it when Ash is on the back foot instead of coming across invulnerable and over-cocky.

Zombies. There's much debate whether the Evil Dead films could ever be considered zombie ones and I'm still kind of on the fence. Evil Dead 1 and 2 contain possessed living and dead; taken over by evil spirits unleashed by someone reading from the necronomicon. Army of Darkness has possession, reanimated corpses and skeletons that seem to have a will, consciousness and dare I say personality each of their own. They're a bit of a mixed bag of well made and choreographed live actors, and jerky stop motion Jason and the Argonauts animated figures. Such is the playfulness of proceedings it's never overly distracting, even when jarring and obvious, and it's not something we'd want to start worrying about anyway or we'd soon be over run with questions, like exactly how does a bag of bones talk and laugh without lungs. 

So, it's full of the reanimated bones of the dead, the possessed dead (and alive), and ever some rather ghoulish looking recently exhumed live actors that do indeed look rather zombie but there's no head shots, no viral blood transference or ever any desire to try and take a bite out of someone. It's an army of the dead trying to kill living; why? Because. Also, Raimi et al called them deadites pushing distance between them and Romero and all things Z and I'm not going to argue semantics.

Army of Darkness is brilliant Sam Raimi yet again and a joy to watch. Full of imagination, skilful, playful directing and cinematography it flows from scene to scene with grace and confidence. Taken for what it is though, a goofy action adventure with a slightly darker undertone than Spielberg would try, it's an incredibly fun and rewarding ride and always entertaining. Bruce Campbell also quite rightly has his name emblazoned proudly on the cover as this is his show and it is him, not Ash from the prequels, that's up against the undead horde. Brilliant, wacky, proudly b-movie-esque and cheesy, and replete with some of the best (and worst) of one line quipping, I still love it, 8/10.

Steven@WTD.

Flight of the Living Dead (Outbreak on a Plane) - review

2007 (USA)

2007 Eiv DVD R(2)

Contains mild spoilers.

I'm slightly ashamed and perplexed by just how much I enjoyed Scott Thomas's shallow little claustrophobic zombie action popcorn piece. A convenient and utterly contrived back-story, a hollow bunch of conveniently one dimensional characters with singular hopes and dreams and a story that plays out as you'd expect, if you've ever watched another tense-drama-on-a-plane-flick. There's nothing really new, or anything on paper to really right home about, and yet, and here's the thing, there's a reason the forced isolation of a plane works to drive narrative tension, and our zombie friends do work bloody well when there's absolutely no way of escaping. In truth it's a marriage made in, err, hell and one I'm surprised no one thought of sooner. 

It's your Return of the Living Dead secret military-esque utterly avoidable scientific fumble. Three fringe scientists having managed to manipulate a strain of malaria so that it can be used to reanimate the dead have decided to transport one of their recently deceased wives from Los Angeles to Paris in the cargo hold of a commercial plane in a particularly bad storm. Engineering a ridiculous and obviously stupid set up is a zombie film trope, and all part of the fun, but even I sometimes have to wince at what film-makers would have us believe is even vaguely plausible. Highly dangerous experimental untested undead cargo, plane and storm, of course things are going to go bad, but you know what? I'm going to let Flight of the Living Dead off. It's so obviously a play on Return of the Living Dead meets Snakes on a Plane and all so beautifully simple yet elaborately stoopid it works and sets the theme for the rest of the film. If you can go with this premise then it's easier to go along with the oodles of carnage, bloodshed, explosions (yes I said explosions and yes we're still on a plane) and stoopidity that follow.

This all being said it never actually becomes a full on farce or comedy. First and foremost this is an action film pitting, by the midpoint, an ever dwindling core of survival experts replete with quite a lot of firepower against an ever swelling zombie horde. The first part of the film is your typical set-up with victims and survivors introduced and a taut tense to and fro that something's gone wrong in the cargo hold, and unbeknown to the pilot (Raymond J. Barry), crew and passengers things have the potential to be a lot, lot worse. The film does a commendable job allowing the tension to build up naturally and the ever present threat is just the right blend of suspense, and actual horror and scares.

At the right time, with the threat emergent the film allows itself to go full on action horror but one thing I wasn't prepared for was not just how visceral and down right nasty the zombies would be, but just how brilliantly and bloody Thomas would allow them to be on camera. There's no dally or restraint and the blood thirsty killing machines of Flight of the Living Dead are given all the focus and attention they deserve as they go about their carnival of slaughter. They grapple, they chase, they lash out and they bite given any and every opportunity. A bit of ankle unprotected? You're done. Push them away, they'll have your hand. Hide? They will find you and they will eat you. I loved every minute darn minute of their screen time, which was a lot, and it was refreshing to see feral vicious monsters take their opportunities rather than, as is so often the case fuck about waiting for the ideal money-shot (bite). The special effects were constantly believable and gratuitous, and the action and zombie dispatching ramped up lovely. I did have more than a few fleeting moments of head scratching at just how the plane was withstanding the incredible pounding it was receiving from bullets, bangs and at one point a rather large explosion but as it never really proposes you take it all that seriously it generally always got away with it.

The zombies are your now expected western homage to all that has gone before. They're not quite Romero being fast and strong but they're not Return of the Living Dead being taken down with a shot to the head with no hands and feet scuttling off with a reanimated will of their own. There's an attempt to explain and justify everything with a strain of malaria, transference of the virus by saliva / blood and the scientists going a bit rogue but it's all a bit superfluous if I'm honest as it's really not needed. There's a zombie, a darn good one, on a plane, it all goes wrong and that's enough.

For all that I bemoaned the shallow nature of the characters I have no real complaints with the long legged air stewardesses, Frank (Kevin J. O'Connor), the wise-ass and morally dubious prisoner being transported or his FBI handler, the calm, collected and extremely affable FBI agent Truman Burrows (David Chisum). The rag tag passengers, the jock's, air heads, golfers et al all make for good cannon fodder as they first get chased about then after being caught find themselves doing the chasing. Both alive and as zombies the cast do a first rate job and yes there's some hammyness to it all but it never above and beyond the remit.

Flight of the Living Dead is what it is. A fun tense and tight action horror of a zombie outbreak at ten thousand feet and I honestly don't think Scott Thomas could have done much better given the remit. The action builds up nicely and once it all really gets going it's the perfect relentless and visceral orgy of all the things I like about zombie. It even has a satisfying conclusion. A highly charged, highly enjoyable zombie thrill ride and one I'd recommend, 7/10.

Steven@WTD.

Wake Wood - review

2011 (Ireland / UK)

2011 Momentum Pictures Home Entertainment DVD R(2)

Contains spoilers.

I'm starting to think the odd month or two break is probably for the best. I mean, I do enjoy a good bit of post apocalyptic bloodshed and eye gouging but I'm starting to think the relentless tide of misery, despair, death and hopelessness does get a bit too much after a while. Still we're back and refreshed after a lot of turkey, mince pies, oodles of booze, a lot of Zombicide, and finally, as if you'd missed it, the release of my post apocalyptic father / daughter love short story.

I picked up Wake Wood after reading Kev's commentary at Zombie Hall thinking as a low budget British horror with zombie elements in it would be right up my proverbial alley and I'm pleased to say it was. The only question mark is whether those returning from the dead in the quaint secluded hamlet of Wake Wood could actually be called zombies; and whether in any sense this could really be thought of as a zombie film.

Wake Wood, the brain child of writer Brendan McCarthy and co writer / director David Keating is a character drama gently addressing the inconsolable process of healing after the most painful of bereavements, it's also a fantastical fantasy / medieval folk story about a village with an incredulous secret and it's also quite the scary horror with some almost full on exploitative Fulci style deaths. That it attempts and achieves all of the above without ever feeling disjointed or segmented is in itself  surprising, that it does so retaining its poignancy, mood and message is commendable. Wake Wood is a beautifully crafted intelligently told narrative with a strong cohesive identity and despite the pure fantasy of the central device the core message is never devalued and the film retains its identity through to the satisfactory ending.

Patrick and Louise Daley (Aidan Gillen and Eva Birthistle) are struggling with the unfortunate death of their only daughter Alice (Ella Connolly). It's a year later, they've moved out the city to the small rural village of Wake Wood and with their relationship on the precipice they're given the glimmer of hope as they slowly uncover Wake Wood's secret. For one reason or another this small parish and it's citizens are able through folk magic and ritual to resurrect the recently deceased for three days where they can say their final farewells and find peace. Lead by Arthur, the retired village veterinarian (Timothy Spall) the villagers accept Patrick and Louise as one of their own and agree to help them see their daughter again.

Here's the deal. Using the life-force of the recently deceased, in this case the local farmer Mick O'Shea (Dan Gordon) who got slightly too intimate with a large moody heifer, Arthur is able to incant the old gods and forces and return the body and soul of someone else who has been dead less than a year. The old body has it's spinal cord cut and a charm from the one who is to come back placed in the mouth before being encased in some kind of muddy/clay cast and set alight. David Keating has captured the pagan ritual splendidly both extolling the sense of wonder and magic while firmly entrenching idea that this is both something old, familiar and pragmatic to those that have grown up with it as the norm.

Patrick and Louise are informed they have three days before Alice will have to return, that for all intents and purposes she will be as before with memories of both her time on earth and her time 'over there' and when the time comes she will leave of her own accord. The caveats are, she will be unable to leave the village and its lands and Patrick and Louise must commit themselves to the village accepting their bodies will be used in a similar fashion when the time comes.

In many ways I saw Alice and the others who returned as form of revenant, a departed soul brought back to conclude any unfinished business and make peace with those who were most affected. Alice has a heartbeat, she breathes, she is who she was and in that position she isn't a zombie as I now come to define them. There's no loss, no deadness to her return, she is alive, vibrant and in control. She's alice and Alice, just making a short trip back to the land of the living, well kind of...

This is a horror, or more precisely, a film with horror elements and while I'd probably agree it would still have worked as a tender and respectful character drama the direction McCarthy and Keating decided to take it is also compelling. Patrick and Louise kept a secret too and it's one that ultimately changes the tone of the film and how one thinks of Alice. Alice had been dead more than a year and while the small girl who returned is the same daughter they lost, something else, something more sinister and malevolent has fused and accompanied her.

It's subtle, it's never really explained and it could be argued all a bit narratively convenient, but the ambiguity as to why a year is the cut off is important, what the possessive demon-esque force that co-inhabits Alice's shell is or why it would want to sadistically rampage through the village all add to the atmosphere and mystique. Alice is now a revenant in the more traditional sense, a medieval corpse returned to terrorise the living and as such and seen perhaps as the resurrected body of Alice but not THE Alice, then the term zombie is befitting. I would probably argue the transformation of the film from loving soul search and pagan earth magic healing to one of bloodshed and carnage, is perhaps a little too full on and sudden, but I get where McCarthy and Keating were coming from, and they just about get away with it. Also the ritualised murder and mayhem Alice brings to the party at this point is also well constructed and filmed, and definitely entertaining to watch.

Wake Wood is an extremely accomplished film. Stylish and atmospheric with an ambient appropriate background score it establishes a clear identity early on and despite two distinct narrative transformations never loses it. All the main actors do an exemplary job portraying very believable characters dealing with extremely harrowing and difficult emotions and at no point are you ever pulled out the world McCarthy and Keating have created. Yes one does have to let oneself flow with it and not ask too many questions but the film makes this remarkably easy to do. The story flows gently but without strain and the underlying tension is allowed to build at its own pace. A unique film; perhaps not strictly zombie, but of genre interest, memorable and thought provoking, 7/10.

Steven@WTD.

Small Miracle - début novella

Now one of the other reasons I've been quiet is I've finally put the finishing touches to something I mostly wrote a year ago. In truth I'd finished 99% of it but you know how it is; feelings of discomfort and doubt took hold and I held off actually releasing it.

Still. Here we are and I am proud to announce the launch of my début novella. I learnt a lot from writing it and hope to utilise all that should I decide to do it again, which is a hope. (Depends how many 1 star reviews I get!)

"Small Miracle is the haunting story of a father and his young daughter who wake alone and frightened in a world laid waste. Relying on each other theirs is the journey of survival and extreme isolation where their love, trust and reliance for each other help them find sanctuary, solace and even hope despite the odds. A post apocalyptic story for those with heart.

A novella."

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00HR8XNUM

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00HR8XNUM/

Anyway, it's cheap, 99c, 77p so you really don't have an excuse at least to read the first page then skim. Thanks to all my friends and family for support.

Also, yes, there are zombies in it, kind of; you'll have to see!

Steven@WTD

Absence and Zombicide

Apologies for my absence. I've been taking a Christmas break and playing a lot of Zombicide!

For those that don't know it's a 'family' ahem, friendly cooperative board game which pits a team of up to six against an ever increasing undead assault. It's bloody great and recommended!

Steven & Daughter @WTD.