Ibiza Undead - review

2016 (UK)

2017 Soda Pictures DVD R(2)

Contains mild spoilers. 

If I was to be critical of writer / director Andy Edwards' shameless and rather trashy drunken and debauched Ibiza zombie party, I'd be doing not only him, but you the reader, a disservice. Ibiza Undead is neither high-brow drama, or a pseudo-intellectual exploration of life and death; and it's certainly not high-octane action, or horror, or indulgent romanticism. It's exactly what it claims to be; a cheap, crass, brazen, coming of age party flick that wears it's love of boobs and booze loud and proud. It is, of course, fully aware of what it is and what it's doing. It's as professional as the next, but it's at the party, as well as hosting, inviting the viewer to jump in and share the good times while never trying to judge or preach. That's also not to say Ibiza Undead is perfect either. It has its fair share of issues; but trying an unabashed uncouth The Inbetweeners zombie film isn't one of them.

Setting the film on the Mediterranean number one party island, and focusing on three horny young British chavs on a mission for alcohol and 'pussy', one would hope the viewer would know exactly what they were letting themselves in for. The three are lewd, expletive spewing, penis driven British lads in the best The Inbetweeners way, and just like their hapless cinematic cousins, and probably for the best for all involved, they're just as woefully ill-prepared their pursuit of the opposite sex, what with the charm, maturity and approach of boorish, obnoxious teenagers suffering from Tourette's. They're also delightfully likeable. The instant chemistry the three speak about having off camera, in a short making of documentary, is clearly evident from the first awkward airport scene. Clearly not in an airport departure lounge; Big Jim (Ed Kear) leads Alex and Az (Jordan Coulson and Homer Todiwala) in effortless, effervescent and incredibly puerile and silly banter, and somehow it doesn't really matter. Ibiza Undead is all about the characters; and though there's a lot of them Edwards maintains focus and each has their role as the zombies arrive and trouble begins.

The zombies of Ibiza island are slooooow, and disjointed as if their bodies are aren't entirely connected; and they're being controlled via semaphore, or some distant puppeteer on dial-up. I actually can't recall a zombie quite this comically lethargic or unwieldy, and though the Night of the Living Dead's turn of foot wasn't exactly blistering there wasn't the same un-gamely limb ballet show accompanying their gait. Effort has gone in though, and they are well made-up, uniformly asymmetrical, and compliment the comedy well. In a more serious zombie feature I'd be quite critical, but in Edwards silly little, yet entirely coherent, post zombie outbreak world; with the infection contained and zombies seen more as a myth and not that real or dangerous they work perfectly.

As said, one can't fault Ibiza Undead for all the things it's probably going to be mostly criticised for. If anything it should be applauded for sticking to its guns and keeping up the juvenile humour right to the closing credits. The constant barrage of sexual objectification pejoratives, does get a tad uncomfortable; though it's probably quite accurate, and it's not just limited to the boys with Alex's older sister Liz (Emily Atack), her best friend Zara (Algina Lipskis), and ex Ellie (Cara Theobold) all happy to throw them about. Saying this though it never truly offends, as it's the boys themselves that look weak and silly with each and every barb, with the girls always coming out on top.

Yes it's a film that if we're overly critical about could easily open itself up to accusations of being rather light and lacking in actual substance. It's also definitely a film which uses the story and narrative to set up all the funny little scenes and jokes, rather than the small incidentals acting enrich a grander tale. It also at times utterly fails to hide it's obvious budgetary constraints, with some lacklustre CG and distracting scenery and asides. Yet; and I may take flack for this, none of this really matters. It's a character driven buddy comedy that's authentic to its ideas, well delivered and fashioned with love and care. The making of the film was clearly a party in of itself and this can't help but shine through. Crude, rude and offensive, Ibiza Undead is an antidote to serious and clever, where there's no lesson to be learned or message to be worked out. It's shameless, throwaway fun, and sometimes, that's just what one wants - 6/10.

Steven@WTD.

The ABCs of Death - review

2012 (USA)

Left Films 2013 Blu-ray R(B/2)

Contains spoilers.

  

I'm quite late to what seems to have become quite the annual celebration of macabre,  grizzly and gruesome nasty experimental film making. The premise was simple. Various acclaimed film makers would be given a letter and told to throw a three / four minutes of video nastiness together; the only limit on their imagination, that there had to be at least one death.

This result is if I'm honest quite the mixed bag. Some are truly fantastic like Marcel Sarmiento's highly polished, highly stylised and original D is for Dogfight and H is for Hydro-Electric Diffusion a hilarious stop-gap animation; but very few seem to possess the confidence to go for a complete old school horror tale; all too quickly and cheaply running to shock, vulgar gore-porn, nudity or even surrealist-humour as a get out.

Still it's easy to wait a few minutes for the next, there's definite wheat in the chaff and there were only a couple I really took so little an interest in, that I didn't get something from seeing them through. 

I'll give special mention to our old friend Noboru Iguchi (Zombie Ass: Toilet of the Dead) who with F is for Fart seems to be continuing his bottom obsession with a quite bizarre and crude existential short that I feel I only appreciated because I'm now somewhat conditioned. There's also U is for Unearthed, a short but generally throwaway pov vampire skit and one of only two that turn to the undead for inspiration.

W is for WTF! (4 mins)

In truth while I'm all for a bit of surrealist humour I really do take a dim view when anarchistic and edgy seems to be nothing more than a seemingly random stream of unconnected ideas thrown together and presented with extreme pretension; that not laughing, or getting it, somehow shows ignorance and lack of enlightenment. I'm not saying playing with the absurd, with juxtapositions and illogical non-sequiturs can't be fun; it's just as with all artistic styles open to abuse and mediocrity; though it's just probably easier to hide.

Directed and written by Jon Schnepp, W is for WTF! unfortunately I feel, falls into the latter camp with an anything goes style designed to disgust and disturb and a series of vulgar and obnoxious ideas that never really comes together. I'm not going to say it never raises a smile or doesn't ever entertain, and it certainly wears its letter loud and proud but as a complete short it feels rather rushed and lazy.

I'm mentioning it solely because one of the so called edgy ideas was zombie clowns; why? For the same reason a flying eye-teeth monster, animated witches and medieval knights, Godzilla Walrus and the cookie monster. Ok, I know I'm being slightly disingenuous and there's some over-arching nonsense about ideas coming to life and a new world reality, but this itself, I suspect, is nothing more than another random story-board throwaway added because why not - 3/10.

So zombies aside, as a modern horror compilation, I'd certainly recommend, though probably as a rental - 6/10.

Steven@WTD.

Big Tits Zombie (The Big Tits Dragon) - review

2010 (Japan)

2010 Terracotta Distribution DVD R(2)

Contains spoilers.

Now either Big Tits Zombie, or The Big Tits Dragon, or Kyonyū Dragon if we're to look to its manga source and original Japanese title, is a remarkable spaghetti zombie mash-up, perfectly capturing this particular goofy horror soft-porn niche to deliver an audaciously explosive hour fifteen of in your face unmissable fun and frolics; or it's possibly the most vacuous pile of bafflingly incompetent tosh I've had the misfortune to sit through. And though I can certainly appreciate writer and director Takao Nakano's enthusiasm in his two minutes introduction, and his wish for us to sit back and mindlessly laugh our way through his 'zombies fighting a sexy girl with a chainsaw' (his words) epic, I'm definitely leaning towards the latter position.

I do have a problem though. Despite all the short-comings; the horrendous effects and choreography, the random, entirely superficial and inconsequential story, the puerile jokes and infantile school boy obsession with boobies, I did have fun. It's also, given its title, not quite as bad as I expected with less of the obsessive fan service and none of the age-inappropriate exploitation I've come to expect. Sure leading ladies Lena Jodo (played by Japanese adult film star Sola Aoi) and Ginko (Risa Kasumi) share two scenes where tops are lost and cameras zoom in, and it's all bikinis, hot pants and tight tops; but really, I was expecting a lot more and I'm thinking the scenes as they are, were just probably in to satisfy contracts. This review is going to give me a problem.

There is an attempt at a story but I'm not sure Nakano, the actors, actresses, and for that matter us viewers were ever to take it that seriously. Lena joins a backwater strip bar and together with Ginko and three other girls they uncover a strange door that leads to forgotten cellar, the Well of Souls and The Book of the Dead. Maria (Mari Sakurai), one of the dancers, with a darker temperament and gothic leanings decides to take it on herself to dive into the 16th century medieval tomb, read a few incantations and open up the gates of hell for a new global age of the dead. Already some forty minutes in, and remember this is only a 73 minute film, it then falls to Lena and Ginko to single-handedly kick, punch, slash and swipe their way through the undead horde and save the world.

Neither Lena or Ginko or the actresses playing them have obviously ever thrown a punch in their lives. The distance between thrust and each zombie extra's dramatic collapse is comically large and exaggerated; yet moments later armed with chainsaw and katana we're suddenly expected to believe they possess the swordplay prowess of Alice, some three films in. I get it's all rather silly and in truth none of this matters; cohesion and integrity were left formally at the door; it's just all a bit overly amateurish. It's all also not helped by the fact that other than few tight skirmishes, what we have in truth is a single location zombie shindig recut and rehashed three times; once at the start and twice near the end. Add some vagina fire breathing, a goofy tentacle zombie mutation scene complete with obvious string, and a bafflingly eccentric supporting cast including Blue Ogre, a department manager from Hell and I really felt the film became more absurd and surreal the longer it went on; as if Nakano and all involved increasingly gave less of a shit how it all turned out.

BTZ is a comically atrocious film; but the thing is it not only knows it, but it does play it up. I think anyway; I could be wrong but that would be truly terrifying. As said, it's b-movie film making at its brazen best, with no redeeming qualities other than to be infuriatingly enjoyable. Not immensely enjoyable, but enough that despite telling yourself repeatably you will turn it off in five minutes you'll suddenly find yourself staring with disbelief as the credits roll. Look, it's a rubbish film but from the title and cover you already know that; you should also be under no illusion about exactly what sort of film it's likely to be, and I'll reiterate, yes, it's every bit as bad. And yet, sometimes a film is fun because it's so bad; so audaciously stupid you can't look away; I'm still torn and I'm sure I'll take some flak for this but… 5/10.

Steven@WTD.

I Survived a Zombie Holocaust - review

2014 (New Zealand)

2016 Matchbox Films DVD R(2)

Contains mild spoilers.

After recently lampooning Cooties for offering little to an ever increasingly crowded genre, I feel a little two faced liking director and writer Guy Pigden's equally crowd pleasing zom-rom-com as much as I did. Just as farcical, slap-stick, easy to watch and dare I say whimsical, on the surface there's little, save Cootie's bigger budget and recognisable stars, to be able to call one out. Though perhaps, there's the rub; Cootie's was a deliberate cash-in; a contrived commercial venture that ticked all the right boxes because someone literally had a list of boxes that needed to be ticked. I Survived a Zombie Holocaust, in future referred to as I Survived, feels like it ticked the boxes naturally; purely by virtue of having a well-conceived and relatively simple script and vision, and the ability and enthusiasm of actors and a production crew to see it through. Nothing is forced and while the jokes, for the genre, are just as obvious and the farce tinted homage plays out just as predictably, there's a delightful authenticity and self-awareness, and you feel more you're invited in, than cajoled along.

I Survived is what I've started to refer to as a post-zombie zombie film. What I mean by that, is there's no pretence that zombies aren't a known thing, that The Walking Dead phenomenon didn't happened, and even the remotest of New Guinea tribesmen don't know the best way to deal with a shuffling corpse is a spear through the head. For most zombie films this doesn't equate to reduction in tension or build up; but rather a getting to straight to it, once anticipation makes way for survival, saving us all from ten minutes of rather awkward and contrived action re-establishing all the ground rules. Not only does I Survive wear this post-zombie t-shirt, but it's ballsy, or confident enough to actually try and go one step further. You see, there's no pretence; not only is their world our world; their zombie reality and heritage our zombie reality and heritage, but the film relies on all this for the narrative to make any sense at all. 

Wesley Pennington (Harley Neville), fresh from film school, has arrived on set as a junior runner for the zombie b-movie 'Tonight They Come'. Quickly brought into line as the shoot's dogsbody; he's also unwittingly one of the first to realise that parallel to the watered down zombie schlock being filmed, there's a very real undead threat, literally just around the corner. It's a fun, intelligenty thought out and original premise which serves to simultaneously give licence for shots at both b-movie films and b-movie film makers. SMP (Andrew Laing) the director cum dictator of Tonight They Come leads the rather formulaic and exaggerated production crew, with a sociopathic zeal through forty odd minutes of surprisingly entertaining and witty parody until zombies meet zombie extras and it's every bit all the running, screaming, carnage and death we've come to love.

Setting itself up the way it does, I Survived is almost a self-aware parody of a post-zombie film, and probably now I'm thinking about it, a hard film to pull off without coming across derogatory and insulting. I'm probably over complicating it all, save to say, I Survived isn't demeaning or dumbed down, and that's the point. It's clearly the work of people who get it; people who love the genre and have something genuine and original to say. Zombie rom-coms, are a great phenomenon but dangerously close to over-saturation, but Pigden et al. know it; and as said, it's this self-awareness that, elevates it from the crowd. Even though I Survived is every bit a a member of the genre and guilty in huge respects of all the things its parodying, it somehow works precisely because it itself is in on the joke. It's refreshing, honest and playful yet respectful; it's the comedian that gets away with all the offensive material because first and foremost he's the butt of every joke.

I've also seen comparisons made with Peter Jackson's eighties over-the-top slaughterfest Dead Alive (Braindead); what with Wesley's demeanour similar to Lionel's, the copious gore, and the same New Zealand badge of honour, but I think it would be doing both a disservice. Jackson's splatter masterpiece was a unique cinematic experience; audaciously stupid and excessive all for the sheer hell of it. Pigden's I Survive forges its own path, and whilst abundant in bad-taste and zombie-excess, it's less about gore-shock and one-liners and more about fitting in coherently with zombie-lore and providing its own subtler narrative. If anything, playing with the post-zombie experience the way it does its closest in style and substance to perhaps Mimesis, but with an added laughter track and a lot more innards.

I Survived a Zombie Holocaust took a risk and in my opinion it paid off. It is yet another modern rom-com but it works precisely because it knows it, and is happy to play along. With some genuinely funny moments, some stupid jokes, a witty, unpredictable script and perfectly pitched performances that played along it ticks all the right boxes for a fun zombie night in. Sure it's not without fault; I'd have preferred it if the real zombie threat had arrived a good ten or twenty minutes earlier, and I'd have liked them to have even pushed the b-movie parody just that little bit harder; but over-all I felt they got it pretty much spot on. Perhaps it also worked for me because unlike for most zom-rom-coms I feel as a hardcore zombie film fan I am this time the target audience; appreciative of the genre call-backs, the clever and satirical side swipes at not just the b-movie film making but b-movie zombie films themselves and the rich and dark humour. I often accuse zom-rom-coms of dumbing down so as to branch out and attract a wider audience and whilst I Survive can't shake this off in its entirety, the fact that it appears to know it, and play with this with such confidence and success is commendable - 7/10.

Steven@WTD.

Cooties - review

2014 (USA)

2015 Universal Pictures UK Blu-ray R(All)

Contains mild spoilers.

Now whilst I personally don't feel we're quite witnessing the end of our collective unconditional love affair with the zombie, I think perhaps we're definitely moving to a period where the relationship will be tempered and better defined. The Walking Dead bubble whilst strong in its centre has definitely shrunk and the great zombie experiment that pushed the undead gut-muncher to an increasingly new and mainstream audience is definitely showing signs of decline. Fads are cyclical; the modern zombie zeitgeist was always doomed, not to fail, but to be replaced with something new. While you may ponder that this a strange thing for a zombie film fanatic to say, I'll add I think it's not only a healthy thing but a necessary thing. The zombie isn't going to go away; it's a disturbed metaphor that transcends era and I believe as long as life and death and all their intrinsic paradoxes are played with then they will always have a place at the media table. The thing is, and I think if we're all honest we'll agree, the time has come for discernment, for less. We just don't need yet another zombie first person shooter, nor do we need yet another derivative SyFy survival bore-fest; and we certainly don't need yet another gleeful, glib and by the numbers zom-rom-com.

Now I almost feel sorry for the big movie executives and decision makers sat atop their mountains of cash watching The Walking Dead craze run amok and not knowing how exactly to join in and exploit it. Horror is a difficult beast to tame and best left to those who truly get the dark and twisted. A gritty and serious endeavour needs vision, a really great script, and the nerve of a director to stay on course, which leaves the safe bet. I all too often come away from a zom-rom-com with the feeling I've watched the brain-child of someone who knows a little of the modern zombie but does understand the rudiments and formulae of how to make a romantic comedy; and that as long as the audience leaves somewhat satisfied and entertained; which they undoubtedly will, then all is good. The thing is, drowning as we are in a plethora of zombie content, one can't just rely on them anymore to carry a film by their mere presence. Each iterative offering sees their impact diluted, so consequently the rest needs to be better. Maybe I'm jaded; I certainly sound jaded, but that's the very problem with director Jonathan Milott and Cary Murnion's Cooties. Strip away the shock of the zombie school children, and the rom-com that's left doesn't particularly hold up to any kind of scrutiny.

Avian influenza; bird Flu, and the constant battle to quell the next great cross species pandemic makes for a great zombie backstory, and here the obvious yet effective satirical swipe at intensive food processing, chicken nuggets and cheap school dinners starts Cooties off, well on track. A single infected girl oozing in class with all that unlocked horror potential then boom! A no-nonsense zombie outbreak, kids running, teachers being eaten; blood guts and black humour; things were good, nay great, and I could even overlook, for a while, the rather obvious and rambling one dimensional characters I soon realised I was going to be stuck with. To be fair to the actors they do actually do some justice to them, though how much they could actually do with the presumably one-line character synopsis they were given is debatable. Clint Hadson (Elijah Wood) is a failed writer come back to live with mum and sub at the local elementary school fifteen years after leaving. An hour and a half later, I could perhaps add he's a bit of a dick with some creepy crush on an ex he hasn't seen since leaving, but did stalk. I could tell you even less about said crush Lucy McCormick, (Alison Pill) a teacher already there; or her boyfriend the stereo-typical sport teacher Wade Johnson (Rainn Wilson).

It just all feels like a film by committee with little to no focus or emphasis on fleshing out or developing likeable characters with, instead, an over confident reliance on the highly designed interactions with the zombie horde to see things through; seven producers and co-producers seems to argue that this is the case. There is the argument, however that this nearly works and Cooties is, for all I've criticised it, still a great zombie film with sumptuous set pieces, some tense zombie hide and seek, copious and undiluted, taking into account their children, violence and gore... So what am I trying to say? Just before we start going round in circles; that Cooties is a fun, well produced zom-rom-com, but one that just doesn't stand-out with zombies no longer on their own able carry a disjointed narrative and vacuous characters.

I've accused many a film before of not really being about the zombies; that they're more the driver to tell a tense character driven story. Here the film bets all on them and it nearly pays off, with the snarly ferocious little shits, especially young Cooper Roth as Patriot, pulling off a younger utterly convincing and terrifying version of Donald (Robert Carlyle from 28 Days Later), genuinely stealing the show. It's a virus that's mutated from some rotten chicken and jumped species; it's incredibly virulent, transferring through the slightest scratch or bite and it's incredible keen, almost immediately killing off parts of the brain turning the subject into a single-minded rabid cannibal. Despite being children, Milott and Murnion aren't scared to have the teachers deal with their foe with extreme prejudice; and guts, gore and combat are always in your face and imaginative. For all that the film is comedy, there are times, especially in the latter phases that the action is darker and more serious and with the children impeccably made up to look and behave terrifying it made for some genuine uncomfortable viewing; which was a delight. Unfortunately they're sporadic and randomly placed, again pointing to a production that seems haphazard and confused.

If I sat down to watch just one zom-rom-com this year, and this was it, then I'd perhaps feel differently. Then, the riotous interplay of ridiculous characters, set-ups and jokes all brought together in a maelstrom of silly action, inappropriate violence and gore, and teen level romance; by recognisable actors in a more than competent way, all with fantastic zombies would have me jumping for joy, and I'd be inclined to overlook its many short-comings. The thing is, it isn't and the zombies alone, this time, can't forgive it's failings. An almost film, that for all it entertains and titillates, ultimately disappoints - 6/10.

Steven@WTD.

Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse - review

2015 (USA)

2016 Paramount Home Entertainment Blu-ray R(B/2)

Contains mild spoilers.

With Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse, co-writer and director Christopher B. Landon has fashioned a zom-rom-com that not only ticks all the boxes, but is fresh enough to stand out in what has, if we're honest, become quite the overcrowded and tired field. It's fresh, lively and struts it's stuff with a competent swagger; and it's well balanced providing just the right amounts of laughs, jumps and squeals of disgust, and at the right times. It's film to sit back and enjoy; for popcorn and beer; a low-brow throwaway indulgence and, hey why not? So what more to add? Not a lot if I'm honest, other than it's actually very good, and I could probably end the review here. I mean c'mon, it's a zombie rom-com with all that that trope comes with, and if you're honest you already really know, not just what to expect but whether you'll want to watch it. Ok, just in case you do want more, and also so as not to break my review format I'll continue.

Secretive Biotech companies, nefarious experimentation and highly avoidable incompetence is always a good old way to start an apocalypse. Here, there's Biotine Corp., a janitor, a zombie, NO safeguards and a few goofy visual jokes; and if I'm honest not the best of intros, but it's brief and to the point. It also establishes the template to come and that blood and puerile jokes will be flowing both in quantity, and equal measure. And whilst this is true and much hilarity is to ensue it should also be taken more of as a short discrete throwaway addition, as there's actually a full, well conceived narrative once the intro has rolled, of friendship, of growing up, of getting laid.

Ben (Tye Sheridan) and Carter (Logan Miller) are two boys on the precipice of adulthood with all the conflict that brings. There's friends, family, and expectation and doing the 'right' thing represented here, by the boy scout movement and their responsibility to the third member of the gang, Augie (Tye Sheridan), and then there's all the angst and wanting to throw away the badges, to party, and rebel. The film is in part that heart-warming journey through the labyrinth; a moral lesson that perhaps there's a way forward that doesn't mean you have give up all of where you are, of have been.

It's also a very daft and dirty zombie splatter fest. and any moralising can stop there; as Landon is certainly no boy-scout, but quite the puerile and juvenile director, with a penchant for some quite tasteless and risque set ups and humour. Which I should add, he gets away with. In Scouts Guide, the uniform and badges, their ever desperate scout leader Rogers (David Koechner) epitomise all that is socially awkward, dorky and uncool. It's a parody sure, and an easy one to exaggerate, but it's played to perfection bringing together all aspects of the narrative, the humour and characters. It's played so well one actually regresses back in time, you feel their distress and unease and this allows the boobs and objectification stuff to pass over; as you're in with the joke; in the young lads heads when shirt pops open and the shorts are tight.

As with all zombie comedies there's a trick to play the main characters pretty straight and to get the humour and energy from the surreal, daft, and when done well, imaginative and well-conceived, coherent situations that surround them. All three leads, though relatively unknown, throw themselves at each increasingly preposterous situation and solution with zeal, and their on screen chemistry is believable and at times endearing because of it. Sure, some scenes and sequences could be accused of being overly simple or derivative; but such is the vibrancy and youthful energy, both in script and production, they end up feeling alive and fresh.

Despite the work that was purported to have been done, choreographing the zombies, for uniform movement and behaviour I personally found it a bit of mixed bag; though I didn't actually find it detracted. It's some kind of transferable virus that can also rather terrifyingly jump species, in this case we have a zombie deer and cat. It kills, reanimates and as per the template turns those infected into monstrous flesh eaters. They seem to neither shuffle or run; it's more a canter, but up close the zombies are quite the fast moving, fast acting, violent little buggers and pretty dangerous. They're actually utilised pretty well throughout, both as vehicles to drive to story and tension, and also as figures of fun with some quite brilliantly daft, if incoherent from a critical point of view, set pieces too.

Right, what to add? Not a lot if I'm honest. Gore? There's plenty of it and surprisingly gratuitous and excessive at times. Romance? It's more coming of age story, but there's a quite the cute teen romance nerd-gets-cute girl subplot that that I actually managed to stomach. Comedy? It's a riot. A rare light in a rather crowded genre, Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse is a well-crafted, fun-packed utterly brilliant zom-rom-com that I challenge anyone not to enjoy; even if it is, and maybe unavoidably so, at times just a bit by the numbers, 7/10.

Steven@WTD.

Dylan Dog: Dead of Night - review

2010 (USA)

2013 Optimum Home Entertainment Blu-ray R(B/2)

Contains spoilers.

I really wanted to really like director Kevin Munroe's comic-book inspired crime-noir b-movie horror-comedy-thriller. A vast and complex web of vampires, werewolves and zombies all hidden in plain sight, ancient tensions and a fragile peace held in a precarious and perpetual balance, and a broken, disillusioned private investigator the only person with both the knowledge and will to redeem himself and hold it all together. It's all there. Underworld, Blade, Buffy, True Blood; even Twilight (ok maybe stretching it) found a way, and with the rich and abundant source material (Tiziano Sclavi's 80 odd Italian comics), and the budget to make it happen, it should be have been easy. Now I'm not going to make the case that Dead of Night is a bad film; far from, it; but as a woefully missed opportunity, I'll call it now. And what makes it worse and me genuinely quite angry is its problems are all its own making.

Cheesy crime-noir atmosphere with narration, a recognisable actor in Bradon Routh (Superman Returns and Ray Palmer / Atom in the DC comic reboots) as Dylan Dark and a fairly dark jumpy death discovery and werewolf encounter. Things actually start pretty well; the characters are interesting and the drip fed unveiling of the underworld engaging. We learn about New Orleans, as the undead Mecca, of werewolves that can control their transformation and of the vampire hierarchy and their subtle control of the vulnerable with the misuse of their blood as a narcotic. It's a world within the world with a rich history and complex dynamics; and the death of a local importer by an undead, and the bringing in of Dylan as lead investigator by his daughter Elizabeth (Anita Briem) has all the clans and tribes on edge.

As said, it all sounds good? So what went wrong? Two things. I first started having doubts when the zombies were introduced. While the set-up wasn't the most dark and macabre cinema I've yet watched it was still edgy, sombre and believable. With the death of Dylan's best friend Marcus (Sam Huntington) and his subsequent reintroduction I was soon to learn that in Dead of Night zombies were to directly equate to goofy light-relief, and nothing more. Now I understand that the film was also a bit of a comedy, and some of the gags were successful, but whether it's zombie cleaning regiments, zombie support groups, zombie cuisine or chop shops, it's as if the writers were given a bumper book of zombie jokes for Christmas and no one at any point told them they shouldn't try and include all of them. The humour becomes ultimately distracting and the sheer quantity of farce threatens to overwhelm all the other elements that were teased.

Which brings us on to the second main reason I think it unravelled the longer it went on. Last year I finished Tell Tales' The Wolf Among Us. It's another crime-noir with witches, vampires and werewolves and a less than perfect lone man trying to keep the peace. It's story was intricate and engaging and most importantly full of twists, surprises and nuance; and quite the opposite of what Dead of Night eventually becomes. Dead of Night has a cookie-cutter approach to story with every plot and sub-narrative playing out exactly as you think it will. An intriguing story is set-up then it's as if the writers and director hadn't planned in any detail what they'd do, so drop the mystery from the murder, resort to cliché vampire / zombie / werewolf scenes as if working from a tick sheet hoping the zombie gag show will save them. It's all rather a hodgepodge of albeit sometimes good, extraneous ideas that culminates in a grand finale that fails in to deliver either a surprise or any real satisfaction.

As stated and not quite as intended maybe Dylan Dog: Dead of Night inadvertently becomes more of a zombie comedy sketch show, than a vampire,  werewolf or undead hard-boiled movie. The zombies are dead but they're still exactly as they were though now rotting and rather more foul smelling. They can only eat human flesh and maggots though as cognisant and still with conscience they generally tend for the latter and as there's quite the active secret and lively social scene with jobs and help available being a zombie is more an inconvenience than a state of being. That is of course as long as you don't let it slide. One of the more intriguing ideas is that without due care and attention it can all slide Walking Dead, gnarly, and mindless flesh eating even with the additional predilection for zombie flesh. It's only briefly played with but from a zombie perspective an interesting one; again though as part of a whole film it was fun but was it really necessary or integral?

Maybe I'm being too harsh and maybe what Dead of Night suffers from was simply trying too hard; showing us too many things, playing with too many ideas with the consequence of seeing the narrative forced to accommodate, and dumbed down as a result. What we do have is a story of murder, betrayal and grand if twisted motives, which if extracted and looked at with a critical eye would unfortunately be found lacking in coherence, imagination and intelligence. Of course all this of course wasn't helped by, if I'm honest, quite the wooden one dimensional performance from a lead I thought at first would be ideally suited, and whilst it takes quite a lot for me to actually call out an actor, such is his and disinterested demeanour and forced chemistry with both Elizabeth and Brandon, he actually makes the film worse just by being in it.  A real missed opportunity, but not a wholly bad film; Mr Dog certainly deserved more though - 5/10.

Steven@WTD.

Plaga Zombie: Zona Mutante (Mutant Zone) - review

2001 (Argentina)

2005 Fangoria Int'l included on Plaga Zombie: Mutant Zone Double Pack DVD R(1)

Contains mild spoilers.

I was rather smitten with director, writer and co-star Pablo Parés and Hernán Sáez's 1997 extremely low budget zombie original. Energetic, vibrant, imaginative Plaga Zombie, transl. Zombie Plague, overflowed with everything you'd want in in an excessive bad taste non-serious zombie spectacular, and I felt Parés and Sáez should be damned proud of their first full film. With double the budget ($3000), and with all the issues they had (it took them 4 years from starting the project to get it out with all involved saying it took its toll), could they have done it again, retaining the same frenetic pace, obvious enthusiasm and authentic delight that spilled out and into those lucky enough to watch something, shall we say, less mainstream first time round? I'll cut to the chase; yes they bloody could and it was worth the pain.

Mutant Zone not only picks the story, what there was of it, up right where things were left, but also the excessive riotous tour-de-force and non stop barrage of the most putrid, gory, juvenile, imaginative and silly zombie killing ever put on screen. Nothing has changed; nothing has calmed down. It's still prosthetic madness with models and masks, buckets of fake blood; guts and spines, limbs and heads all audaciously ripped, pulled and hewn apart at every turn. As with all good Dead Alive (BrainDead) splatter comedies it's disgusting, it's dark, but it's also so excessive, so over the top it, it all becomes a spectacle; a hyper-real parody you feel your allowed to join in with. Each more and more audaciously silly kill is the joke that keeps on giving; and this is something I feel outsiders to the genre often overlook, but one Parés and Sáez have perfected; and I don't think at any point in the film I actually stopped smiling.

What of the story? Mutant Zone doesn't take itself too, or I should say, at all seriously. There's a small daft opening bit of narrative where we learn aliens are actually behind the whole thing. That they've done a deal to experiment in one small area so as to not take over the entire world,.and our heroes from the previous film, Bill (Parés), the giant cowboy ex-wrestler John West (Berta Muñiz) and Max (Sáez) find themselves unfortunate loose threads in the conspiracy. What it means is they've been summarily thrown back into to the now quarantined town without weapons or any idea as to what's really going on, there's a lot of zombies out to get them and before the hour and half are through there will be a lot running, a lot of killing and a lot of fun, if little deep or contemplative narrative.

What stops Mutant Zone from being the one trick pony, and what ultimately keeps it from outstaying it's welcome, despite, if being critical, that it is and on paper it shouldn't, is the constant imagination. For a film that is fundamentally one long chase broken up now and again with the odd skirmish, that there isn't a single trite or obvious story decision, line of dialogue, or angle  of shot is breath-taking. Each and every extravagant, and ridiculous fight, or each moment between, is out to trick and surprise you and it's a delightful ride to sit back and enjoy being on. For Parés and Sáez nothing too is off the table, too off-the wall, or even subtle or surreal; and yet it all fits, the film is cohesive with a singular identity.

It's the same trick with the zombies. Black, white, green and blue, Plaga zombies can be any hue, any level of decay, any level of mutation and any level one of many observable behavioural patterns or any combination between. Yet they're all brought together by the same undeniable level of zany fun and comic-book look and feel where perhaps having a budget where one couldn't dictate all and every minutia actually helped. It's like the traditional zombie idiom of distinct and unique individuals becoming a homogenised one is non-applicable. Here the undead each have clear and discrete character and dare I say personality which even lends itself to how they're ultimately and individually dispatched. Later we also discover they're not perhaps as one-sidedly cannibalistic as we thought, as social aspects are offered and explored. It all makes for quite the rich tapestry and quite the out the box thinking perhaps allowed when youth and inexperience take nothing off the table.

I could wax-lyrically about Mutant Zone all day. Perhaps one the best comedy splatter zombie films ever made there is so much honesty, verve and passion on play one can't help but be swept up in it all. Parés, Muñiz and Sáez also almost make the film a buddy one with on screen relationships that feel authentic and tangible, with a depth and warmth that permeates even the coldest of hearts. So could they deliver a sequel? Could they. Plaga Zone: Mutant Zone is Plaga Zombie unleashed oozing increased confidence, greater ambition and given the means to demonstrate with a larger sandbox, more time and more resources to play with. An absolute delight from start to finish you owe it to yourself to get on-board especially with a third instalment, Plaga Zombie: Zona Mutante: Revolución Tóxica, and even fourth American Invasion, sitting in the wings - 9/10.

Steven@WTD.

Zombeavers - review

2014 (USA)

2014 Universal Blu-ray R(All) 

Contains spoilers.

Two things are clear coming away from this b-movie delight. Director and co-script writer Jordan Rubin, and all those responsible not only 'get it' but obviously had a riot doing so. Zombeavers is old school monster-farce, with ludicrous puppets and poor animatronics; it's The Evil Dead / Friday the 13th, with vacuous, though pretty young expendables ready to take their tops off and ready to be picked off; and it's American Pie, chock full of puerile humour you'll feel guilty about enjoying so much, but oh, you will. It's crass, sleazy, stupid, utter nonsense, and yet; and yet, it's all you could ever wish for and expect from a film about ferocious undead nocturnal, large, semiaquatic rodents and their sudden insatiable hunger for human flesh.

The reason it all works; if I can get ahead of myself. Is the perfect juxtaposition between the shameless amateurism of narrative, jokes and foremost the beavers, and the absolute dry and serious way in which the six college kids approach proceedings. Whether it's Bill Burr farcically setting things in motion with the classic zombie accidental and totally avoidable highly dangerous barrel- falling-off-truck-into-water-source trope, or the inventive opening scooby-doo cartoon montage or the delightfully fake beaver duo chuckling away as toxic green zombie-juice sprays over them; the bad is so bad it's good, precisely because we know it can only be this bad, if it's supposed to be.

Then suddenly it's all Friday the 13th and a Cabin in the Woods, literally. Mary (Rachel Melvin) and Zoe (Cortney Palm) are consoling their sorority sister Jenn (Lexi Atkins) who's recently been cheated on, by bringing to her to a relatives secluded lake-house for a weekend of pyjama fights, cookies and talking about boys, or what-ever it is college girls do. True to form too, knowing three doesn't make a claustrophobic death-orgy, douche-bag jocks, and boyfriends Sam (Hutch Dano), Tommy (Jake Weary), and Buck (Peter Gilroy) arrive just in time for the party. Boys meet girls, and it may all the complication of teen-romance, way-too-tight shorts and first world problems, but they're very earnest about it all, and convincing. And like the aforementioned Friday the 13th saga, which if we're honest didn't try much harder, the repartee and character banter does what's needed, providing the albeit temporarily, sanctuary and veiled sanity, against what we know is coming.

Forget cute furry woodland creatures. These beavers are bloody ferocious little shits who'd no sooner look at you, than slap you on your arse with their great big tail and gnaw your privates like they're a quaking aspen. There's no real exposition or reason how after the toxic barrel they've found themselves the almost-invincible toothy fiends, and why they have such a desire to cry havoc with these six socialites in particular; there's also no rhyme or reason to their NOTLD stand-off with the cabin after they've clearly demonstrated their ability to reduce it to saw-dust in minutes. There's a hint they might be practical jokers, I'm thinking in a Gremlins kind of way, but I'm really not going to spend any time trying to perform a high level dissection of their behaviour relative to zombie-canon. Other than perhaps to say as the zombeaver-virus / pathogen / thing adapts and jumps to other species, namely humans and yes bears, I couldn't help but be reminded of Zombie Virus on Mulberry Street and it's zombie-rat-people, and that however preposterous an idea, the fact is someone will probably have already come up with it first.

Foremost though, Zombeavers is a riotous comedy. Whether it's Buck emerging from the lake clutching his foot, comedy claw marks on the sabotaged phone line, or an extended whack-a-beaver sequence, Zombeavers is full of inventive ideas and witty, albeit mostly throwaway humour one can't help but whoop along with. Okay the actors are clearly older than the young nubile characters they're supposed to be portraying but they always over the top, sober or obnoxious as called upon, in both an exaggerated and yet coherent way. The highly polished script too pushes a narrative at perfect pace as to not rush, nor hold back the insanity.

Honestly, I don't really know how someone could criticise Zombeavers. You read the title, you chose to watch it and it's precisely what you got. It's funny, it's smart and it's entirely non-patronising; letting the viewer share in the in-jokes, the meta-humour and self-deprecating quips. It also does a remarkably good job of not only keeping what could easily have been a one-gag feature feeling fresh, but even open to a sequel. Crazy, stoopid, but entirely satisfying. Zombeavers 2 anyone? Anyone? 7/10.

Steven@WTD.

Zombieworld - review

(2015 Anthology with some original content)

2010 - 2013 (USA / Spain / UK / Canada / Australia)

2015 Image Entertainment DVD R(2)

Contains spoilers.

Not a movie, but a collection of varied quality 2010 - 2013 zombie shorts mashed together by a rather strained news-reader narrative. Presented by Dread Central these 11 short films have nothing in common other than their gut munching brothers and sisters, so some credit should be given that there's something to tie them together at all. Also Bill Oberst Jr. as Marvin Gloatt does a half reasonable job portraying a reporter deteriorating to a zombie bite with a script almost always lacklustre and overreaching.

I've reviewed each film separately. Some are good, some are bad, most are average. As an overall product I feel hard pushed to recommend it as the great shorts can be found independently and other than Adrián Cardona and David Muñoz's audaciously excessive duo Fist of Jesus and Brutal Relax I doubt any would be watched a second time. Still promoting amateur zombie film making is something I feel should be rewarding so I'll be kind - 5/10.

Steven@WTD.

Shorts in order shown: 

Dark Times

2010 (USA) 5 mins

Rather formulaic first person shakey cam short that leaves the viewer scratching his or her head. Why were so many people near the power plant that late at night? Why doesn't he stop filming? Why is there a guy dressed as Father Christmas and why when he's a zombie does he spit his food out rather than consume it? (Ok I'm being facetious as we know the actor just didn't want any of the gut-a-likes in his mouth.)

These cohesive wrangles aside Dark Times is a reasonably competently put together little bit of apocalyptic carnage that just tries too hard to not only stop and think (see above), but too hard to cast off the derivative accusation it surely wears. I can understand writer / director's Peter Horn and Jared Marshall's fear and could even get behind some of the genre-play, especially the first person transformation, casting aside its, again, disjointed feel, but by the finale it felt they'd given up any desire to remain cohesive or consistent at all, and it suffered for it - 4/10.

Fist of Jesus

2012 (Spain) 15 mins

Okay, where to begin with the silly little gem. Blasphemous? Most definitely, though with tongue firmly in cheek and no real desire to offend ala Monty Python etc. Excessive? Off the chart with perhaps only their previous gore-fest Brutal Relax or Dead Alive (Brain Dead) coming close. Yes it's also prosthetic madness but with such little regard to reign things in, whether it's spinal cords beings ripped out or heads being popped, the comic anti-realism just adds to the insanity. Finally, any good? Yes, it's quite the riotous ride, though perhaps it does actually go on a tad too long allowing me to finally apply the phrase gore-bore; after thinking it up years ago. Another Adrián Cardona and David Muñoz must watch, but for all the wrong reasons - 7/10.

How to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse

2010 (USA) 23 mins

Over-all a highly stylised pop-culture bit of zombie fun that manages to blend story and comical narrated instructional video cohesively and engagingly. Split into segments, something Zombieworld takes advantage of to spread it across its presentation, some are distinctly better than others and sometimes the humour misses the mark, but overall it's a highly engaging little romp. There's a play with genres from people who obviously understand post-zombie cinema and it's a recommended throwaway bit of fun - 6/10.

I am Lonely

2011 (UK) 8 Mins

A brief flirt with action quickly turns into a six minute mildly amusing, utterly throw-away one-man ramble. Chris (Matt Prendergast) spills out the annoying diatribe of self-obsessed irreverent nonsense to his dying house mate and whilst I can respect what they were trying to do it's just not all particularly funny. A tight little play; it's not bad in what it's doing; I'm just not sure why anyone would have done it in the first place - 3/10.

Dead Stop

2011 (USA) 5 mins

A great little ground zero short. Tense, gripping and dark, this to the point zombie footage-cam flit fits a lot into five minutes, even managing a pervasive hint at a larger problem. Very good and would love to have seen something bigger from director Tommy Woodard, who went on to become location manager on such series as Fear the Walking Dead, 8/10.

Home

2010 (Australia) 12 mins

A short survivalist film playing with isolation, loss and grief in the Australian Post-Apocalyptic outback. Jaimie McDowell staggers lost and confused mourning the loss of her would be husband between one gut muncher and another fully occupying the empty barren tundra. An average composition if we're honest, that even manages to drag out a bit. Moody, indulgent, and a bit up its own behind, it's still tight, well performed and shot - 4/10.

Dead Rush

2013 (Canada) c. 12 mins

A mixed bag shaky cam short from Director Zach Ramelan. Full of energy it's a wild little zombie survivor chase that's interesting and engaging yet entirely throwaway. There's a nice little twist at the end but for the most part it feels like a cheap thrown together / made up as it's going along student project, with mates acting as a favour rather than a calling - 4/10.

Teleportal

2010 (USA) 2 mins

A one gag throwaway short; but one that actually works. An idea played with in Demons 2, though reversed here; but we'll let it go, as it's so well put together, brutal, straight to the point, and delivers. A delight - 8/10.

Certified

2012 (USA) 9 mins

A delightful and charming rural 1950's zombie tale in the Creepshow / Tales from the Crypt vibe. It's postman Frank Nuttell's (Thomas Garner) first day on the job and he's soon intently embroiled in the sad tale of a young girls lost father and brother to a mining accident, and a mothers forlorn denial. Writer / director Luke Guidici's little yarn works, is well performed and delivers a great punch line which I won't spoil - 8/10.

Brutal Relax

2010 (Spain) 15 mins

Another truly eccentric zombie silly from Adrián Cardona and David Muñoz. A silly a show-case for excessive violence, it's audaciously over the top and really if we're all honest, just an excuse to fit as much gut ripping, bone splintering, head exploding and blood spilling nonsense into fifteen minutes as possible. Also if we're honest, I'm only reviewing this as it appeared on Zombieworld as I don't think the sea-lizard-creatures from the black lagoon are actually remotely zombie. Still, it's breath-taking relentless fun, and doesn't quite get as gore-tedious as their subsequent Fist of Jesus; also José María Angorrilla provides a lead role performance I'll never forget - 8/10.

Marathon Apocalypse

2013 (Canada) 2 mins

Entirely throwaway short zombie chase, followed by nice clean CG narrated zombie global pandemic intro video. A promotional video for the Montreal zombie run event, it did its job, but is entirely too lightweight as an entity in its own right to really pass any kind of meaningful judgement; still, it is quite a nice atmospheric 30 second chase - 4/10.