2016 (USA)
Contains spoilers.
Zoombies is not a
good film. In fact I'd be happy to argue that it's possibly the worst film I've
looked at with a lazy nonsensical story, laughably bad effects and a general
eye for detail Ed Wood would have been proud of. The Asylum are certainly setting
themselves up as a modern day Troma willing to churn out any and all
audaciously ridiculous idea as cheaply and amateurishly as possible. Actually
that's not quite accurate and a little disingenuous to Troma; with Troma one at
least feels there's some passion and pride in the all stupidity. With The
Asylum one increasingly feels that not giving a damn is part of the process and
that somehow actually not going to any lengths to hide production incompetence
is best practice. One can also argue however, that you know exactly what you're
getting when you sit down with a The Asylum 'straight to DVD'. For as bad as it
will be, and it will be, just perhaps there's a small part of you that will
embrace the chaos; will laugh as earnest actors sincerely try to make it work;
and as a viewing party, as The Asylum films are not meant to be watched
unaccompanied; support will be required; savour each and every new unashamedly
cheap and awful idea and its delivery.
Everything you need
to know about director Glenn Miller's Zoombies is delivered in the first ten
minutes. There's an unopened zoo, some plucky kids on a zoology college
internship, some earnest staff lead by Dr. Ellen Rogers (Kim Nielson), a man in
a gorilla suit and some unknown highly contagious inter-species zombie virus.
Let hilarity commence. Not that it probably matters but there's no real attempt
at making the outbreak coherent or logical; some monkeys are sick, one has
seizure, goes into cardiac arrest is given some epinephrine or something and
comes back to life (we know this as the heart monitor that was never on the
monkey starts beeping) as a rabid homicidal little shit on the extreme
offensive. It's to the point, visceral and entertaining, if for all the wrongs
reasons. Things soon escalate, as is the zombie way, with the addition of five
or so other monkeys released from their cages and also inexplicably infected;
there's screaming, killing and copious quantities of awfully fake CG blood and
before you can say Sharknado 5, zoo security respond to the alarm, break the
carefully controlled quarantine and let the carnage spill out to the rest of
the zoo.
The film ultimately
becomes one of cat and mouse; or what-ever painfully awful CG or prosthetic
zombie animal insanity all involved best thought should drive the next round of
hiding, screaming and falling over, and an ever-decreasing number of exaggerated
disparate ill-suited Jurassic Park-esque
survivors. There is an attempt at a larger narrative; of saving the world by
stopping virus from reaching the aviary but this just leads to more confusion
and head scratching; as wouldn't there be native birds around the park? And
also I thought for a moment there would be some deeper narrative with the trio
of Dr. Ellen Rogers, her daughter Thea (La La Nestor) and Kifo the Cross River
Gorilla comically performed by Ivan Djurovic and some possible cure or
empathetic break-through but any and all notions here were quickly dropped. In
many ways Zoombies once it got going played it remarkably safe and dare I say,
especially in the second half a tad derivative. Always silly, but always a tad
lazy and obvious.
As said, if I was to
stop, dissect and critique the film in any coherent or meaningful way things
would soon turn ugly. Each and every scene always had one moment that flied in
the face of logic and reason, and there were so many jaw dropping moments of disruptive
cohesion with one scene directly contradicting the one before, that it would be
easy to dismiss the whole thing as insulting and farcical. Even the virus
itself asks more questions than it answers; like why it should be able to so
quickly and virulently transfer between such differing species, yet leave humans unaffected? As I say though, looking at the film this way is nothing but an exercise in frustration and futility, though maybe there's another.
Sure it's laughably
bad, sure it has CG effects that make your eyes bleed and a story that falls
apart as soon as you give it any thought, but you know what; throughout the
film I increasingly found myself looking forward to the next comedy star-trek
bridge fall or unbelievable zombie animal. Whether it was the hilarious glass
tapping parrots, the preposterous gorilla, the CG elephant ride, or even the
intern falling hundreds of feet to his large explosive death; Miller does manage
to somehow tap into that so bad it's good experience that it's almost
impossible not to find some enjoyment. Also the main actors do a commendable job, able to not only retain straight faces but actually make the audience believe in them and give a damn as they face down each increasingly absurd situation. Look, I'm never going to say Zoombies is
a good film, nor one I'd even recommend, but as a throwaway frivolous extremely
silly and self-deprecating beer fuelled party flick perhaps there's
enough to warrant a look - 4/10.
Steven@WTD.
