The Omega Man - review

1971 (USA)

2003 Warner Home Video DVD R(2)

Contains spoilers. 

In 1964 directors Ubaldo Ragona and Sidney Salkow brought us The Last Man on Earth and Vincent Price as Robert Neville, a broken lonely figure forced to deal with the mundane realities of existence and subsistence by day and the real threat of attack by night. Their adaptation Richard Matheson's I Am Legend wasn't without fault; preferring a rather more traditional action packed finale than the more nuanced origin of evil twist of the book and thus rather missing the point, but over-all I found it quite the poignant post-apocalyptic vision. It was also, with its slowing and dumbing down of Matheson's vampires, a rather important part of the cinematic zombie story, with Romero even citing its crucial influence. The 2007 Will Smith blockbuster I Am Legend further blurred the vampire and zombie lines and with its theatrically released ending perhaps even further missed the Legend point; but I unashamedly enjoyed it for the big budget action packed spectacular that it was. In between though there was this other adaptation, and the cover exalting Charlton 'from my cold dead hands' Heston's automatic weapon prowess I think best illustrates the direction I felt it ultimately took.

To be fair Heston paints a performance worthy of Vincent Price's legacy and taken in isolation from its peers director Boris Sagal, and writers John William Corrington and Joyce Corrington, have fashioned quite the accomplished post-apocalyptic yarn. Los Angeles is captured hauntingly empty and Heston is every bit depressed, bereaved, despairing and unhinged as a person would be having to deal with not just the mundanity of surviving during the days, the existential angst and ennui of existing in a world without purpose, but the very real threat to his life every night. The 'family'; the Omega Man's vampires present themselves as an interesting and subversive, if a little incoherent and comically pathetic adversary, and though the infected and new order Ruth, is replaced with Lisa and a gun toting group of disparate survivors, in quite the departure from the book, it does open the way for a traditional and entertaining, if safe, action oriented plot.

And that's primarily what The Omega Man is; a glorious post-apocalyptic promise that doesn't quite deliver. But one that also doesn't actually fail. If anything it's that post-apocalyptic film trap. Set up a destitute, lonely, introvert inspiring world with gorgeous expansive cinematography that leaves the skin tingling, add a struggling hero one can empathise with, then fumble around rather unsuccessfully struggling to maintain all the built-up atmosphere and ambience when it comes to actually doing something with it. Watching Heston stumble and bluster around the city is as funny as it is tragic. Clearly broken from his two year exile, his life now the permanent contradiction of retaining dignity and humanity in a world where there's no accountability or obligation to do so, is perfectly realised; and summed up beautifully with each new bitter and utterly helpless sardonic quip. Then enters the family, Lisa and her gang in a tidal wave of high speed action, explosions and the film becomes something else; that certain je ne sais quoi gone.

Whilst the zombie case could be made with The Last Man on Earth and I Am Legend with their ambiguous vampire and infection fusion; the nocturnal albino protagonists of The Omega Man despite their physical and psychological changes are a more difficult proposition to argue for. Clearly alive, clearly cognisant and clearly rational, does a radical change in world view, a clear over-night about-turn in how one perceives and interacts with reality constitute zombie-esque irrationality, delusion and surrender to a singular hunger? Not at all I'd argue. The theme of The Omega Man, and one it does assume correctly from Matheson's source, is the question as to whether it's the family that's delusional and dangerous, or as they posit actually Neville and the old order that's got it all wrong. A perfectly reasonable and congruent position is still a position even if it's different. A person banging their head and waking up with a different personality is still a person; even if they do now want to set you on fire.

The one thing I would add before dismissing the zombie case all together is perhaps the point that they are infected, and their final change does seem to coincide with loss of empathy, social intelligence and individuality. The family are also driven by a counter-culture dogma, and structured as a cult like with a zealot leader Jonathan Matthias (Anthony Zerbe) who enforces his new bastardised ideological stance with violence and an inability to compromise. Maybe they're not quite as free-willed in their new state of mind as they intimate? I'll leave it open save that though there's probably enough to argue they're not zombie in any classical sense but there is ambiguity, that zombie discussion in relation to cults, drugs, mental health, and any impairment of the neo cortex doesn't seem to be going away, and the film does come with enough heritage to deserve to be not ignored.

As said, taken for what it is, The Omega Man is a rootin' tootin' post-apocalyptic action film with much to admire. Whether tearing the streets or removing his shirt to single-handedly dominate both because of and despite of the fact, Heston provides the lines, the action and the presence to ensure each sequence and scene is a success. Under scrutiny it may not hold together, nor do justice to Matheson's legacy; why for instance, armed with semi-automatic weaponry and a whole city of devices, technology and information can Neville not deal with a foe who want to tackle the situation as if in the Stone Age? But as said, looked at as an albeit of its time fun, action sci-fi, it holds up well with a coherent and interesting story, solid film making and decent effects. It also should be commended for one of cinemas first interracial romances. So, not really zombies and not the best I Am Legend adaptation it's still worth watching if for Heston alone - 6/10.

Steven@WTD.

Cooties - review

2014 (USA)

2015 Universal Pictures UK Blu-ray R(All)

Contains mild spoilers.

Now whilst I personally don't feel we're quite witnessing the end of our collective unconditional love affair with the zombie, I think perhaps we're definitely moving to a period where the relationship will be tempered and better defined. The Walking Dead bubble whilst strong in its centre has definitely shrunk and the great zombie experiment that pushed the undead gut-muncher to an increasingly new and mainstream audience is definitely showing signs of decline. Fads are cyclical; the modern zombie zeitgeist was always doomed, not to fail, but to be replaced with something new. While you may ponder that this a strange thing for a zombie film fanatic to say, I'll add I think it's not only a healthy thing but a necessary thing. The zombie isn't going to go away; it's a disturbed metaphor that transcends era and I believe as long as life and death and all their intrinsic paradoxes are played with then they will always have a place at the media table. The thing is, and I think if we're all honest we'll agree, the time has come for discernment, for less. We just don't need yet another zombie first person shooter, nor do we need yet another derivative SyFy survival bore-fest; and we certainly don't need yet another gleeful, glib and by the numbers zom-rom-com.

Now I almost feel sorry for the big movie executives and decision makers sat atop their mountains of cash watching The Walking Dead craze run amok and not knowing how exactly to join in and exploit it. Horror is a difficult beast to tame and best left to those who truly get the dark and twisted. A gritty and serious endeavour needs vision, a really great script, and the nerve of a director to stay on course, which leaves the safe bet. I all too often come away from a zom-rom-com with the feeling I've watched the brain-child of someone who knows a little of the modern zombie but does understand the rudiments and formulae of how to make a romantic comedy; and that as long as the audience leaves somewhat satisfied and entertained; which they undoubtedly will, then all is good. The thing is, drowning as we are in a plethora of zombie content, one can't just rely on them anymore to carry a film by their mere presence. Each iterative offering sees their impact diluted, so consequently the rest needs to be better. Maybe I'm jaded; I certainly sound jaded, but that's the very problem with director Jonathan Milott and Cary Murnion's Cooties. Strip away the shock of the zombie school children, and the rom-com that's left doesn't particularly hold up to any kind of scrutiny.

Avian influenza; bird Flu, and the constant battle to quell the next great cross species pandemic makes for a great zombie backstory, and here the obvious yet effective satirical swipe at intensive food processing, chicken nuggets and cheap school dinners starts Cooties off, well on track. A single infected girl oozing in class with all that unlocked horror potential then boom! A no-nonsense zombie outbreak, kids running, teachers being eaten; blood guts and black humour; things were good, nay great, and I could even overlook, for a while, the rather obvious and rambling one dimensional characters I soon realised I was going to be stuck with. To be fair to the actors they do actually do some justice to them, though how much they could actually do with the presumably one-line character synopsis they were given is debatable. Clint Hadson (Elijah Wood) is a failed writer come back to live with mum and sub at the local elementary school fifteen years after leaving. An hour and a half later, I could perhaps add he's a bit of a dick with some creepy crush on an ex he hasn't seen since leaving, but did stalk. I could tell you even less about said crush Lucy McCormick, (Alison Pill) a teacher already there; or her boyfriend the stereo-typical sport teacher Wade Johnson (Rainn Wilson).

It just all feels like a film by committee with little to no focus or emphasis on fleshing out or developing likeable characters with, instead, an over confident reliance on the highly designed interactions with the zombie horde to see things through; seven producers and co-producers seems to argue that this is the case. There is the argument, however that this nearly works and Cooties is, for all I've criticised it, still a great zombie film with sumptuous set pieces, some tense zombie hide and seek, copious and undiluted, taking into account their children, violence and gore... So what am I trying to say? Just before we start going round in circles; that Cooties is a fun, well produced zom-rom-com, but one that just doesn't stand-out with zombies no longer on their own able carry a disjointed narrative and vacuous characters.

I've accused many a film before of not really being about the zombies; that they're more the driver to tell a tense character driven story. Here the film bets all on them and it nearly pays off, with the snarly ferocious little shits, especially young Cooper Roth as Patriot, pulling off a younger utterly convincing and terrifying version of Donald (Robert Carlyle from 28 Days Later), genuinely stealing the show. It's a virus that's mutated from some rotten chicken and jumped species; it's incredibly virulent, transferring through the slightest scratch or bite and it's incredible keen, almost immediately killing off parts of the brain turning the subject into a single-minded rabid cannibal. Despite being children, Milott and Murnion aren't scared to have the teachers deal with their foe with extreme prejudice; and guts, gore and combat are always in your face and imaginative. For all that the film is comedy, there are times, especially in the latter phases that the action is darker and more serious and with the children impeccably made up to look and behave terrifying it made for some genuine uncomfortable viewing; which was a delight. Unfortunately they're sporadic and randomly placed, again pointing to a production that seems haphazard and confused.

If I sat down to watch just one zom-rom-com this year, and this was it, then I'd perhaps feel differently. Then, the riotous interplay of ridiculous characters, set-ups and jokes all brought together in a maelstrom of silly action, inappropriate violence and gore, and teen level romance; by recognisable actors in a more than competent way, all with fantastic zombies would have me jumping for joy, and I'd be inclined to overlook its many short-comings. The thing is, it isn't and the zombies alone, this time, can't forgive it's failings. An almost film, that for all it entertains and titillates, ultimately disappoints - 6/10.

Steven@WTD.

Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse - review

2015 (USA)

2016 Paramount Home Entertainment Blu-ray R(B/2)

Contains mild spoilers.

With Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse, co-writer and director Christopher B. Landon has fashioned a zom-rom-com that not only ticks all the boxes, but is fresh enough to stand out in what has, if we're honest, become quite the overcrowded and tired field. It's fresh, lively and struts it's stuff with a competent swagger; and it's well balanced providing just the right amounts of laughs, jumps and squeals of disgust, and at the right times. It's film to sit back and enjoy; for popcorn and beer; a low-brow throwaway indulgence and, hey why not? So what more to add? Not a lot if I'm honest, other than it's actually very good, and I could probably end the review here. I mean c'mon, it's a zombie rom-com with all that that trope comes with, and if you're honest you already really know, not just what to expect but whether you'll want to watch it. Ok, just in case you do want more, and also so as not to break my review format I'll continue.

Secretive Biotech companies, nefarious experimentation and highly avoidable incompetence is always a good old way to start an apocalypse. Here, there's Biotine Corp., a janitor, a zombie, NO safeguards and a few goofy visual jokes; and if I'm honest not the best of intros, but it's brief and to the point. It also establishes the template to come and that blood and puerile jokes will be flowing both in quantity, and equal measure. And whilst this is true and much hilarity is to ensue it should also be taken more of as a short discrete throwaway addition, as there's actually a full, well conceived narrative once the intro has rolled, of friendship, of growing up, of getting laid.

Ben (Tye Sheridan) and Carter (Logan Miller) are two boys on the precipice of adulthood with all the conflict that brings. There's friends, family, and expectation and doing the 'right' thing represented here, by the boy scout movement and their responsibility to the third member of the gang, Augie (Tye Sheridan), and then there's all the angst and wanting to throw away the badges, to party, and rebel. The film is in part that heart-warming journey through the labyrinth; a moral lesson that perhaps there's a way forward that doesn't mean you have give up all of where you are, of have been.

It's also a very daft and dirty zombie splatter fest. and any moralising can stop there; as Landon is certainly no boy-scout, but quite the puerile and juvenile director, with a penchant for some quite tasteless and risque set ups and humour. Which I should add, he gets away with. In Scouts Guide, the uniform and badges, their ever desperate scout leader Rogers (David Koechner) epitomise all that is socially awkward, dorky and uncool. It's a parody sure, and an easy one to exaggerate, but it's played to perfection bringing together all aspects of the narrative, the humour and characters. It's played so well one actually regresses back in time, you feel their distress and unease and this allows the boobs and objectification stuff to pass over; as you're in with the joke; in the young lads heads when shirt pops open and the shorts are tight.

As with all zombie comedies there's a trick to play the main characters pretty straight and to get the humour and energy from the surreal, daft, and when done well, imaginative and well-conceived, coherent situations that surround them. All three leads, though relatively unknown, throw themselves at each increasingly preposterous situation and solution with zeal, and their on screen chemistry is believable and at times endearing because of it. Sure, some scenes and sequences could be accused of being overly simple or derivative; but such is the vibrancy and youthful energy, both in script and production, they end up feeling alive and fresh.

Despite the work that was purported to have been done, choreographing the zombies, for uniform movement and behaviour I personally found it a bit of mixed bag; though I didn't actually find it detracted. It's some kind of transferable virus that can also rather terrifyingly jump species, in this case we have a zombie deer and cat. It kills, reanimates and as per the template turns those infected into monstrous flesh eaters. They seem to neither shuffle or run; it's more a canter, but up close the zombies are quite the fast moving, fast acting, violent little buggers and pretty dangerous. They're actually utilised pretty well throughout, both as vehicles to drive to story and tension, and also as figures of fun with some quite brilliantly daft, if incoherent from a critical point of view, set pieces too.

Right, what to add? Not a lot if I'm honest. Gore? There's plenty of it and surprisingly gratuitous and excessive at times. Romance? It's more coming of age story, but there's a quite the cute teen romance nerd-gets-cute girl subplot that that I actually managed to stomach. Comedy? It's a riot. A rare light in a rather crowded genre, Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse is a well-crafted, fun-packed utterly brilliant zom-rom-com that I challenge anyone not to enjoy; even if it is, and maybe unavoidably so, at times just a bit by the numbers, 7/10.

Steven@WTD.

Night of the Creeps - review

1986 (USA)

2009 Sony Pictures Blu-ray R(All)

Contains spoilers.

Now I need to be a bit careful with this one as I believe Fred Dekker's Night of the Creeps is a bit of a fan favourite and I'm aware many people hold the horror-comedy b-movie close to their denim clad hearts. But here's the problem. I'm a Night of the Creeps newcomer and not swathed in nostalgia. I've jaded forty year old eyes and I've now seen my fair share of zom-rom-coms; I don't have that sweaty adolescent sentimentality to keep me going between people dying and heads 'sploding. Anyway, the point I'm trying to get to; the point I'm dallying around, is though Night of the Creeps is good, I mean I did just say heads 'sploding, it's just maybe not quite as good for us, as those who watched it some 28 years ago without their parents knowing.

Things start absurdly and b-movie brilliantly, with weird looking giant Dr Who inspired 80's space slugs battling it out and a particularly grumpy looking one blasting what we learn to be a parasitic space slug to Earth against the others wishes. It's 1959, we know this because things are black and white, and investigating the shooting star that's landed, a young confident college boy out with his date ignores the warnings of an axe murderer escaped from the local mental institute gets her violently dismembered and himself infected and cryogenically frozen. As I said brilliant stuff.

Then it all goes a bit 80s and brat pack with J.C. During (Steve Marshall) trying to win Cynthia Cronenberg (Jill Whitlow) as a date for nerd friend and roommate Chris Romero (Jason Lively); yes I did spot the names. With the only obstacle to their success, obviously, admittance to the most popular fraternity J.C. and Chris agree to break into the university medical centre and steal a highly experimental corpse, which just conveniently happens to be said cryogenically frozen bug hibernator from 1959. Of course they conveniently manage to defrost him, he conveniently happens to be not well guarded, and it conveniently starts a rather nasty series of events that soon spiral out of control.

It's b-movie parody, it's funny, it's well directed and well fleshed out with a preposterous narrative that sways from semi-coherent eighties teen angst movie to The Return of the Living Dead and over the top horror like a metronome on amphetamines. One minute it's geeky guys trying to get a prom date or hitting each other with pillows, the next it's audaciously absurd space aliens shooting one another with ray guns or twenty-seven year old axe murdering corpses up having a second swing at it. What should be a little disconcerting does actually work though creating that b-movie duality where there's the normal world where people worry about their hair and their dates, when all the while we really know there's a second reality only a block away holding an axe and full of alien space worms. My one small gripe was some of the more excessive contrived convenience, which even though I know is part of the b-movie charm, came across as a little too forced. It's one thing to learn that fire is the thing that can kill the little space leeches, it's another to just happen across a box of matches on the floor of your toilet cubicle lighting the last one at just the right moment as one rushes over to its flammable end.

You just can't beat a good old alien brain parasite; well you could with a fiery stick, but there's just something about scurrying little black super slugs with the singular intent to zoom up trouser legs,  throw themselves into open mouths and take over brains, that makes me smile. Why do they want to do it / what's their motive? No idea though I guess the usual world subjugation. All I know is, once in place it's zombie time, staggering about looking for someone new to explode their head in the direction of. I keep saying exploding heads; whether cat, dog, recently deceased or long decayed it would appear they use the brain as some kind of incubation chamber with which to breed (asexually?), then assume control of the host body before popping the noggin wide open to great cinematic applause to fire new space slugs at any new hosts that might be dumb enough to have their mouths open. By this point it's really all over for the hosts, the best they can hope for some sympathetic soul putting a stop to it all with a one, two, blast to the head, heavy duty incineration of the little critters hiding inside.

I've moaned a lot that it's not perhaps grade A eighties schlock horror but in truth it's not far off. Dekker has fashioned a competent cohesive b-movie wannabe that entertains and shocks nicely and equally and flows by to a satisfactory conclusion. Exploding head, alien parasite zombies were never going to disappoint and honestly one could never get bored watching them pop. Detective Ray Cameron (Tom Atkins) who I've not mentioned so far is the undoubted star of the show, with one-liners and a personality that rivals even Sir Bruce Campbell in its dry delivery and inventive punch. A fun entertaining little ride with some truly outstanding scenes, but as a whole, one that maybe hasn't aged quite as well as some might have us believe. It's never going to be my favourite eighties horror spoof but thrill me, it did, 7/10.

Steven@WTD.

Go Goa Gone - review

2013 (India)

2014 Eros International DVD R(All) 

Contains mild spoilers.

Rolls sleeves up. Right let's do this. It's Pre'Ween folks and yours truly has joined forces with eight other bastions of horror to produce some content to celebrate the year's run up to the main apple bobbing dark harvest itself. Brandon at the Dog Farm is generously collating it all (tis all his idea and hard work really) and you can check it out there. My aim is simple. To up my game, watch more films than ever this next 30 days and hopefully feel like I'm making some kind of contribution, however pitiful that might be. I was going to set myself the target of a film a day but let's be realistic; this is me so we'll see what happens. I'm also going to use it as a chance to catch up on the many non-zombie horror titles I've missed which I may or may not comment on. And yes, I have warned the wife.

So let's start the carnival with something that on the surface would appear to be a little different. Touted as Bollywood's first official zombie comedy, which I'm in no position to question, Go Goa Gone, directed and written by Raj Nidimoru and Krishna D.K. is a witty, sharp character driven rom-com with oodles of charm and an endearing innocence. Entwined Hindi and English with subtitles the script plays with modern young Indian counter culture; with drug use, alcohol and an extreme apathy and directionless with a call-centred ennui and a country mired with extreme poverty and a colonial hang-over.

Hardik (Kunal Khemu) and Luv (Vir Das) are two stoner best friends trapped in the rut who persuade their flatmate and friend Bunny (Anand Tiwari) to let them tag along on his business trip to Goa. There they team up with Facebook friend of Luv's Luna (Puja Gupta), gate-crash a remote island rave hosted by the Russian Mafia and watch opened mouthed as a zombie outbreak spins out of control around them only to become unlikely, but very affable heroes on the way.

I know what you're thinking. I thought it. It's Shaun of the Dead or any one of the many films that followed with the same reluctant hero and rom-com-zom template. Establish likeable losers, drop them in an inescapable zombie maelstrom with a girl to rescue and no hope, and slowly watch them turn overcome themselves and turn into heroes. Go Goa Gone does it all; unabashed, even over explaining zombie rules as if we need to hear all about head shots in 2014. And yet it gets away with it.

Zombies, especially the Western Romero trope, are not an Indian horror staple and this allows Go Goa Gone to explain the zombie a to z in a playful way that never offends or feels unnecessarily contrived. Hearing Hardik, Luv and Bunny come to the conclusion that they're probably not vampires or ghosts but most likely zombies and the product of western globalisation is a triumph that imbues the film with a playful meta-innocence from start to finish. We're not expected to believe in a vision of an alternative yet familiar looking reality where zombies have never been imagined, nor are expected to believe a young twenty something wouldn't know to go for the head; their zombie journey is fluid and natural. 

It's not parasites, or evil magic or space monkeys. The cause of all the commotion is a new experimental little red pill, touted as the ultimate high, Russian mafia boss, Boris (Saif Ali Khan) has brought back from Siberia to try out on his guests. Whilst the idea to shut off all but a small part of the brain so the user feels no pain, no pleasure and no emotion and only a hunger to be high might have seemed like a good one in the lab, in the real world it's actually an extremely bad, what with the high transpiring to be other peoples flesh, and the side-effect of actually killing the taker. Nidimoru and D.K. firmly go with the Romero / The Walking Dead vision of zombies, and this fits with the meta-charm. They're slow, shuffling, stupid and only really good in a group. It's head shots (that bit of the brain left ticking over) and their only drive is their insatiable hunger. Clearly a lot of work has gone in to their look and feel, and there are some great expansive zombie scenes with as many as a hundred or so on screen at once. They act cohesively and though Go Goa Gone is never going to give anyone a nightmare there's more than a handful of well-crafted bloody gut munches and wrenches to entertain.

So yes, look deeply and the finger could point to a story that's actually pretty generic, characters we've seen a dozen times before, and it has perhaps played it all too safe, but that's missing so much. Go Goa Gone has taken the western trope and has added Bollywood life, vibrancy and colour with some exceptional character acting and a production team that know how to make a sumptuous film. The chemistry between the main characters, especially Luv and Hardik is magical, and they're an absolute joy to watch from start to finish. Go Goa Gone is genuinely funny, heart-warming and intelligent, with no dead scenes, perfect pitch and pace, and a delightful score. There's also the hint of a sequel which I'll definitely be first in line for, 7/10.

Steven@WTD.

Aaah! Zombies!! (Wasting Away) - review

2007 (USA)

2010 Mvd Visua DVD R(0)

Contains spoilers.

Writer and director Sean Kohnen's Aaah! Zombies!! (aka Wasting Away) is film built on a single quirk. It's an inventive, imaginative quirk allowing for some brilliant scenes and set pieces; it drives the action, it dictates the humour and it also, almost manages to sustain momentum the whole ninety minutes without get boring. Playful with the zombie medium Kohnen's take is unorthodox and unusual but respectful, and though not particularly funny, or scary, or atmospheric relying solely on the twist this is most definitely still a zombie film, and one that's well worth watching.

I'd better explain what the 'thing' is. In full on The Return of the Living Dead parody mode a bungled experimental super-soldier zombie chemical transportation goes wrong, the hazardous serum ending up mixed in some beer flavoured super soft ice-cream and yadda yadda yadda zombies. This isn't all that interesting, but what is, is everything during the set-up is presented in black and white with the green of the serum the only colour, Schindler's List style. Pulling himself up from the floor Tim (Michael Grant Terry) and his three co-conspirators with the colourful green serum now coursing figuratively through their now coloured bodies are now in Oz and empowered with their own shared reality. The use of colour, for Kohnen becomes the defining metaphor of juxtaposing how those that have taken the serum perceive the world, with those who haven't. In the black and white 'real' world Tim, Mike (Matthew Davis), Vanessa (Julianna Robinson) and Cindy (Betsy Beutler) are perceived as ponderous decaying gut munchers, but in their shared world, presented in full on Technicolour they are still cognisant, compassionate and unaware of their external appearance.

It's a powerful imaginative idea and works if one doesn't think too hard about it. In their reality nothing has really changed, they can talk, laugh, feel though they may be starting to display some unusual traits and appetites. In the other reality they're incomprehensible, macabre, indestructible; zombies and it's speed, specifically their lack of, that becomes the defining characteristic and the butt of the humour. 'Real', non-infected people appear sped up in movement and speech, and with the camera switched to black and white so we're looking at them as everyone else would the group are full on Romero lurchers. Which perspective / reality is the true one? It doesn't really matter; all that does is the back and forth play when the perspectives do clash.

Despite the inventiveness of the contrast, the actual set pieces and jokes do all too often feel a little laboured or obvious. The guy who's so drunk he can actually communicate with the zombies is a fun throw away idea but to not only repeat the joke but make it the centre of an important ten minute sequence two thirds of the way through has the feel of a writer struggling for ideas and this is the films main problem. I never felt Kohnen fully knew what to do with the great set up he'd come up with; the narrative jump to survival action, zombie-rights three quarters of the way through is most indicative of this. 

We're not talking big budget so constant contradictions like background noises being the right (or wrong) depending on perspective speed I was happy to let slide even though they were a little distracting. My biggest grumble was the back and fro regarding the groups conscience. We're supposed to go with the fact that even though to the rest of the world they appear as gut-munching zombies they're really still the same people with empathy and compassion, and their behaviour, dialogue and even the whole ending of the film relies on this. Yet, there's also times, usually implied and off camera, they do actually go full zombie with all the cannibalistic slaughter, gouging and gut munching their appearance assumes. I think we're supposed to either suspend disbelief or assume death comes with a loss of guilt and remorse; but it's never particularly fleshed and it all feels a incongruous.

Narrative to one side, the whole self-aware, compassioned, autonomous beings on one level, ponderous, flesh hungry groaners on another idea is presented and fashioned well. They are zombies. They're dead, they need severe head trauma to really stop them and they like brains. There's some more The Return of the Living Dead homage, playing with body part reanimation. In colour they not really zombies at all, more people who happen to be without pulse and a taste for things they shouldn't. Whether black and white or not things always look good and the film has been put together well, effects are strong and make-up realistic. Ok, the bodiless head is a bit slid into place, but it doesn't spoil things. One last thought. Going by my definition which equates zombie with deadness, irrespective of pulse, perhaps they're not actually zombies at all as they are still self-aware and autonomous? I'm in a pickle to be honest, though as it's mainly down to me over complicating things I'll move along, and I did say it was just a thought...

"The most unique zombie flick I've seen', is one of the choice quotes on the cover and breaking with tradition which says one can't agree with anything if it's in big letters on the front of a DVD, especially a low budget zombie one, this time I think I might make an exception. The narrative as a whole may well not live up to the premise and some scenes feel laboured but there's enough jokes and ideas to keep things fresh and entertaining throughout. The romance such as there is adds to the cocktail but this is no Warm Bodies which I'll will add shares more than one idea with this earlier film. I'll finish by adding the acting is well above what one would expect from a low budget piece, especially from the four leads, and the pacing is good with the film flowing by quite nicely. It's unusual, quirky and fun and for all my complaints I really quite enjoyed it, even though I feel it's been made in a way that makes it far too easy to dismember, 6/10.

Steven@WTD.

Lifeforce - review

1985 (USA)

2013 Arrow Video Blu-ray R(B/2)

Contains spoilers.

This was another one that wasn't really on my radar. It was only seeing it chosen by Dominic Brunt (Director of Before Dawn) as one of the headlines for the 2014 Leeds Zombie Film Festival that put it on. Having now watched it I'm still a tad uncertain. Sure the final fifteen minutes, depicting a ravaged London overrun with snarling cannibalistic monsters is zombie all the way and the victims of the space vampires are for the most part unwitting slaves incapable of imposing their own will on their actions. But, it's energy vampires. Both Col. Tom Carlsen (Steve Railsback), the only survivor of the ill-fated deep space explorer and Dr. Bukovsky (Michael Gothard) chief medical scientist of the European Space Agency and Thanatologist (the study of death) say so, and it is really all about three intelligent bat like creatures camouflaged as pretty wee things who are sat at the top of the food chain.

The first fifteen minutes or so are pure eighties space indulgence. The HMS Churchill out in the deep beyond on a mission to explore Halley's Comet discovers a hundred and fifty mile ancient space relic in its tip. Inside as well as the desiccated remnants of hundreds of human size space bats they find three perfectly preserved and perfectly naked humans caught in some kind of suspended animation and decide to bring them back on board.

The lead naked, and that's a word I'll be saying a lot, space person, is played by Mathilda May and as I'm watching the splendid new Arrow Blu-ray transfer of the original 116 minute cut, which is fifteen minutes longer than the theatrical cut the US audience had to watch there's an awful lot of it; not that I'm complaining. Brought back to Earth by the US Columbia which finds the HMS Churchill gutted and burnt out and the crew dead, it doesn't take long for those investigating the disaster to realise it might have something to do with honey lips and perhaps they're in a spot of trouble. Finally alone with a young doctor sparks fly, both metaphorically as lips meet lips, and literally  her first victim has his lifeforce zapped out of him before moving, naked, through the complex like an electric maelstrom escaping out into the wider world.

The young naked space girl with ulterior motives beguiling poor innocent men who just can't say no when presented with a willing bosom is a trope that's been done to death. It's a good, neigh, great excuse to show copious flesh with a semi-legitimate excuse, though in this case I'm not quite sure whether to applaud director Tobe Hooper or not, for the audaciously long time it takes for him to decide she should cover up. While Lifeforce doesn't go down the Species road making this trope the be all and end all of the film it does make up a large part of the story, and to be honest when if does decide to stray playing with alien possession it does unravel a little becoming unnecessarily convoluted and complicated, almost making one think it might have been better if they had.

There's a lot going on with the space vampires and while it's possibly all a bit over contrived it's fun, thought out and for the most part cohesive. They're energy vampires capable of draining the lifeforce from people. They can beguile people, making them fall so deeply in love, both spiritually and sexually, that they can't resist and they can also transfer their consciousness / soul / being into another person assuming motor control and suppressing the host's will. Also while they don't always drain all the lifeforce from a person when they do, leaving them a dehydrated lifeless husk, they do also leave a nasty surprise.

Two hours is the magic number in several ways. Firstly it's a two hour alarm call that springs the mini-vamps / zompires back to life, pulse racing with an insatiable hunger for some lifeforce of their own, else they'll explode. Secondly should they drain the next victim before they pop, they've only another two hours until they need to feed again. This idea of brainless primal hunger, the constant need to feed and the exponential spread of the disease is zombie all the way. These zompires, especially during the last fifteen or so minutes certainly look the part snarling goring their way through the streets of London and the effect as they leap on cars and chase the view remaining survivors also certainly looks zombie and they're a good enough fit in my mind. And let's not forget writer Dan O'Bannon's next film was The Return of the Living Dead, so this is a man well versed in the genre.

A solid script if a little convoluted and farcical, Lifeforce is a good film though not a great one and for such an over the top premise I felt it perhaps played it all a little safe. Peter Firth leads a strong cast who do well with what they've been given, and one can't help watch Patrick Stewart being wrestled to the floor and later orally explode with blood, without a wry smile. The pacing is good for a long film, and there's never a dull moment but it just as we too were coming near  the two hour mark and the finale, I felt it just hadn't elevated my heart rate to the to the same level as those on screen. A fun hokey sci-fi, tame-horror with a lot of nakedness that will leave a smile on your face, if nothing more, 6/10.

Steven@WTD.

Stalled - review

2013 (UK)

2014 Matchbox Films Blu-ray R(B/2)

Contains mild spoilers.

In the world of generic, lazy and very serious expansive and over ambitious zombie survival stories, and farces that don't respect the medium or just aren't that funny it's always a delight when something low budget comes along that not only understands the constraints but exploits them to produce something delightfully original that feels cohesive and entirely sure of its self.

Written by Dan Palmer and directed by Christian James, Stalled is a dark comedy and zom-rom-com with an intimate and claustrophobic twist. The film centres on office janitor W.C. played by the same Dan Palmer, who finds himself stuck in a ladies toilet cubicle on Christmas Eve at first wanting to escape the many obnoxious, drunk and half-naked girls that are coming in fresh from the office party on the floors above, then later wanting to survive the full blown zombie outbreak that's exploding all around. What's important, and what distinguishes Stalled from other films that at this point probably sound awfully similar, is that the four walls of the bathroom are for an hour and twenty minutes the only ones he, or us will see (not quite true but go with me.)

Limiting the film to the single personal setting and presenting it all, though third person, from W.C.'s perspective imbues the film with a feeling of intimacy like that of a drama or play, and not that of a feature film. It's twenty odd minutes before W.C. speaks, the only other non-zombie that's on screen for longer than a minute never shows her face and the action and jokes are measured and constrained; there's a lot on paper that could have gone wrong. Thankfully a deep well fashioned main character full of moral ambiguity and complicated drives, and an actor who can do him justice, combined with a well-paced, inventive and intelligent script and story enables Stalled to pull it off. 

The zombies exhibit that mixed behaviour we see in all main stream pop culture flicks picking and choosing heritage tropes to satisfy the vision of the film makers. The film does a good job setting the scene with subtle revelations rather than relying on any long winded and obvious exposition; there's a dead rat, a 'rapey' pizza guy who gets a bite in, and an implied non-airborne infection. Whilst the infected don't actually appear to die before becoming groaning single-minded cannibalistic gut munchers, once shuffling and hungry they're capable of withstanding quite the pounding with only a good old fashioned heavy trauma to the old noggin capable of putting them down. They're nicely presented and cohesive; the make-up and effects are excellent as is expected post TWD. There's a little too much one minute Romero slow, next minutes Boyle snarly and fast but it's not distracting and the zombies aren't really the main focus as they're really there as the vehicle to enable the character development and personal interaction to flourish, and to provide a few laughs.

Well thought out and confidently constructed Stalled comes across as a film that came out exactly as planned. It's tight, intimate, claustrophobic and personal precisely because that was intended. It's not hampered by the restraint of a small budget but at one and empowered by it. As a small tight single set zombie drama I honestly don't think it could have been done much better. I'll mention that just as Stalled is tight in vision, it's tight in length bringing an end to proceedings after a mere hour and twenty minutes though it gets away with it, and I suspect had it tried to go longer it may have suffered. I could also see how in the wrong mood or state of mind the film could labour with some of the jokes missing the spot and scenes lingering but approached in the right way, maybe without any beer there's a lot on offer. Something different, something intelligent, something witty and absorbing, Stalled is a great piece of film making and recommended, 7/10.

Steven@WTD.

Junk - review

2000 (Japan)

2003 Warrior DVD R(2)

Contains mild spoilers.

Put aside for one minute all the gnarly gut munching, gratuitous eye gouging and colourful brain rainbows, by far and away the biggest shock of the afternoon was looking down at the case some thirty minutes in and realising that Junk was in fact a film released in the noughties, and not as I was assuming the early eighties. At times a low budget Yakuza film with guns and goons, at times a painfully forced The Return of the Living Dead wannabe complete with chemical spills, a military cover up and a hell of lot of painfully bad decisions, and at its best a Fulci inspired video nasty; the one thing Atsushi Muroga's Junk never is, is refined or even vaguely contemporary. Honestly, whether it's the gangster posturing, the copious leather and denim, the sets and cars, or heck, the score and video presentation, everything screams Nightmare City, The Zombie Dead (Burial Ground) and Zombie Flesh Eaters; and certainly not 28 Days Later or Shaun of the Dead, both of which were released only a few years later. If we're kind we'll say Junk is deliberately old school; a somewhat kitsch hark back to when acting qualities and narrative sensibleness weren't quite so important as long as guts were spewing and dead people were really, really unpleasant.

A zombie munch in the first minute is always a good thing in my book and watching the topless Kyôko (Miwa) pull herself up from her peaceful permanent slumber, take one look at the scientists inquiring innocently as to how she felt and deciding she wanted a piece, was delightful. Skin gets ripped, blood spurts out and yes, the set is sparse, the acting even sparser but it's campy, fun and unashamedly in your face zombie. Yet it was all a tease; a glimmer of what we'd have to wait a lot longer for, as despite this no nonsense zombie start, it takes another thirty minutes for things to really get going again as Muroga has another film in his head too.

As much as the film does end up descending into exactly the European eighties video nasty nonsense we expected after the start, it also tries very hard to be a semi-serious Japanese gangster film with a Yakuza boss, a jewellery heist and a motley assortment of honourless goons who'd no sooner ask for your hand as stick it in a zombie's mouth. The robbery, the getaway, the boss and his goon-squad and young getaway driver Saki (Kaori Shimamura) and her attempts to buy her second hand dream car from a bafflingly superfluous used car salesman is all light, fun and entertaining in its own special way, it just drags on way too long for what's really just a narrative reason to get nine victims to the same abandoned remote factory.

It's entertaining when the world of the gangsters and zombies finally collide; it's just baffling so much attention was heaped on the one part of the zombie story that really didn't need much at all; especially given the brief part each of the characters was ultimately going to play once it kicked off. On top of all this Muroga also deemed it necessary to provide a western narrative and even a love story, that could sit over the chaos to present it all as reasonable, coherent and plausible but again like the gangster preamble it all ends up feeling a tad half hearted and redundant. I should reiterate that it's not all bad though as when focused on zombies and death Muroga gets it entertainingly right.

We have DNX, a highly experimental US funded drug which has brought Miwa back to life as an insatiable neck biter and flesh eater. We have the two doctors that administered the drug now bitten and turned into Romero tradition zombies too implying oral / viral transmission and a situation that could quite easily expand out of hand. Then to top it all off, in full on Return of the Living Dead tradition we have a bit of an industrial accident, a vial is spilled and the remaining corpses are up and joining in too.

There's a bit of a mix going on if we're honest; Kyôko it seems is actually quite intelligent and powerful, in a kind of possessed The Evil Dead / The Exorcist / Manga kind of way; those freshly bitten are blue tinted ponderous walkers straight out of Dawn of the Dead and the extras are a hideous bunch of foul fetid maggoty horrors that look like they've shuffled straight from filming Bruno Mattei's Hell of the Living Dead; which for reference, also concluded in a very similar looking industrial complex. One could nit-pick the non uniformity or design of it all, but it doesn't really matter. The zombies are fun, dark, dangerous and there's copious quantities of well-presented gore on display. The final superhuman Kyôko who survives a head shot, only to come back stronger with different colour hair doesn't make any sense at all but by now I'm starting to get used to Japan's need for a boss fight and it was at least captivatingly stupid.

Junk may be cheap but it is fun. The gangster and US military narratives are superfluous guff adding little to the trashy exploitative carnage that's the focus of the film but they're not actually offensive; and at a little over an hour and twenty minutes long I'm guessing Muroga needed some way to fill the time. It's daft, it's brash, there's some appalling English from some Japanese speakers and some painfully amateurish moments but you get the feeling Muroga knew all this and didn't really care. The mash of ideas and narratives never really gel yet in never firmly adopting any distinct identity, it kind of ends up getting one all of its own anyway and one can see how it got its name. A daft English / Japanese hybrid eighties throwback that's as entertaining as it is awful it's definitely worth a watch with a beer (or ten), 5/10.

Steven@WTD.

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl - review

2003 (USA)

2011 Walt Disney Studios Home Entertainment 1-4 Box Set Blu-ray R(A/1 B/2)

Contains spoilers.

I was in two minds as to whether to review this film in full or not. One, it has that unfortunate quality of being so damn popular and so damn old everyone who was ever going to see it has done so and already made their mind up as to whether it's a bit of harmless swashbuckling family fun or tepid piratey flotsam and an insult to ol' Edward Thatch. And, two, strictly speaking the cursed zombie-like crew of the Black Pearl captained by Hector Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush) aren't actually zombies or even really that dead. Still, there is a little ambiguity and I have gone to the trouble of watching it so I might as well throw my thoughts out.

I'm on the side that the film itself is actually quite good, and arguably the best of the series. Sumptuously shot by director Gore Verbinski with great stunts and effects it flows effortlessly with an interesting albeit not particularly taxing narrative and is everything you'd really want from a big budget family blockbuster. It was far better than I remembered it and I would certainly recommend it to those on the fence on whether it's worth going back to.

The story? You'll remember all this when I tell you. There's some Aztec gold and Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) of the Black Pearl as a scruffy unscrupulous villainous pirate, decided he wanted it. However on the way, his equally scruffy villainous etc, first mate Barbossa and crew decided to mutiny, leave him marooned him on a small desert island and take it for themselves. This wouldn't have been such bad plan if the gold wasn't cursed.

It's Tales of Monkey Island, high jinx on the high seas, a traditional pirate story if you like, yet with a supernatural twist and a highly eccentric screen stealing performance by Johnny Depp. It's great, honest, and I'm not going to spend any more time on the film. You've seen it anyway. What interests me is the cursed not-zombie kind-of-undead crew.

Positives? The curse made Barbossa and the crew immortal. Negatives? They're now in an undead stasis appearing as ghastly skeletons under moon light. To be honest I'm not so sure it's such a bad trade off. I mean, if they just showed a bit of imagination I'm sure they could come up with a plan that balanced looking a bit macabre and sinister after hours, against the benefits of being impervious to injury and living forever.  Anyway, it seems their loved ones weren't too taken with the whole thing so they've decided they're now on an eternal quest to return all the 882 gold coins of Cortés in Isla de Muerta's treasure and make the blood sacrifice necessary to rid themselves of it. How they knew what to do to rid themselves of the curse is never explained and the whole thing is all a bit convoluted and contrived, but it does provide a semi-coherent narrative to drive the action and mayhem and it does provide a great excuse for brilliant and provocative edgy family horror-lite shenanigans.

They're not zombies in that they're not really dead, they're more cursed to appear dead, but just at night. They're still fully in possession of their souls, their personalities, dreams and desires. They can eat, drink, sing and rape and pillage to their hearts content and there's no revenant drive to seek vengeance; they are evil little oiks, but then they were before. There's no deadness, no loss other than probably being sexually shunned by everyone other than most dedicated Goth; also there's absolutely no eating anyone. There is a bit of The Blind Dead to proceedings, in the skeletal appearance, not strictly being zombies, and all the ships, but I don't feel it's especially intentional. 

With the curse lifted (sorry spoiler) they revert back to being fully alive, mortal and vulnerable once again to being killed. They're undead state was just that, a temporary state, a minor inconvenience.

So, not a zombie film but great family entertainment with a good bit of supernatural and some interesting playing with the alive/dead barrier. Set in the Caribbean it's easy to think Z, and later in the series with On Stranger Tides, which is also a highly recommended book by Tim Powers, we do get see some traditional voodoo walking dead but they're not here just yet. Great effects, great acting, there's nothing here to really complain about, though nothing that really sets the world on fire. Nonetheless it's nigh on perfect, well crafted Disney family fun, like I said, you've already made mind up about, 8/10.

Steven@WTD.