The Hanging Woman (The Orgy of the Dead / La Orgía de los Muertos) - review

1973 (Spain / Italy)

2009 Troma Entertainiment DVD R(All)

Contains spoilers.

I'd be lying if I said this quintessentially low budget European horror was good. I'd be equally disingenuous if I was to be overly harsh. Director José Luis Merino's La Orgía de los Muertos (translated as The Orgy of the Dead), otherwise known as Beyond the Living Dead (US),  Zombies - Terror of the Living Dead (UK), and finally and most popularly in the US, The Hanging Woman, in truth, is a distinctly mediocre gothic mad-scientist whodunnit dotted with enough distinctly brilliant and memorable moments that it almost fools you into thinking it's better than it is. The story, characters and acting is as equally laboured as It is convoluted and discordant, and despite Paul Naschy being Paul Nashy in his prime, he can't, this time, save the film entirely on his own mainly because his involvement was actually quite limited, due to parallel film commitment.

Serge Chekov (Stelvio Rosi as Stan Cooper) returning to his late uncle's estate for the reading of the will stumbles upon the grizzly scene of, whom he soon discovers to be, his niece's fresh corpse hanging from a tree. Then finding himself the, for all intents and purposes, sole benefactor he's quickly embroiled in a web of scheming and distrust, black magic and murder, in a claustrophobic and isolated backwater mansion with a cast of disparate and quite disturbed figures.

There's Igor (Paul Naschy), the crazy-eyed, dishevelled cemetery caretaker who we learn is also quite the necrophiliac and all round pervert; there's the newly widowed Countess Nadia Mihaly (Maria Pia Conte) who wants Serge to sell and is happy to persuade with sex, satanic ritual and voodoo; there's Professor Leon Driola (Gérard Tichy), the permanent guest of the late Count who specialist research is electricity and the nebulous curtain of death, and there's his daughter, the Countesses maid Doris Droila (Dyanik Zurakowska) who wants Serge to actually keep the estate for her father's sake.

At some point each and every one supplies motive and means to explain the, for at least an hour, rather sketchy, zombie murder mystery, and each and every one provides a discordant sub-narrative with Serge at the centre. And Serge loves it. Making the lead character and hero such an entitled obnoxious cad is either brave film making or suicide, as whether he's taking advantage of young vulnerable daughters or engaged in yet another innocuously provoked fist fight he's incredibly difficult to either empathise with or rally behind. Even as the credits rolled and he'd solved the case, and rescued and won the girl I couldn't help hope there would be some late twist and he'd still get the zombie maul he undisputedly deserved.

The zombies are one of the true highlights of the film and it was a pity it took such a long time to get to see them in all their splendour. Fetid, crusty and decaying, they're the epitome of the seventies walking dead infamously popularised by Fulci later in the decade. Unlike the esoteric mystical nature of Fulci's creation though, these guys have a mad Victor Frankenstein scientist and rational excuse for their reanimation. Spoiler… it was Professor Leon you see, and not any of the black magic or voodoo thrown in to put us of course. As well as learning the secrets of electrical resurrection he's also a whizz with micro-technology, designing and manufacturing a 'capsule' that slots in the corpses brain to both control its actions as well as pick up his thoughts. They're mindless drones incapable of independent thought driven solely to obey their master and the murders were all perpetrated at the behest of the prof who first wanted to kill his partner the count, to stop him using the discovery to amass 'an army of the dead'. The rest of the victims, beginning with the hanging woman, were unlucky dominoes that fell as the ever desperate Leon tried to cover his tracks. An interesting zombie twist to note at the end of the film and starting with the now resurrected Naschy, of a disobedience and demonstration of independent murderess intent, with the professor no longer able to exert control. It lead to a lively and satisfying climax, but as stated all came rather too late.

Naschy, the zombies, the sombre gothic atmosphere brilliantly captured, and the brooding organ music; there are many reasons to get excited over this early seventies continental horror. Indeed, as much as the story was long winded, trite, and discordant, and the characters generally unbearable and difficult to share any sympathy with, the constantly interspersed distractions were enjoyable despite themselves and perhaps for all the wrong reasons. Also one can't help but be charmed with echoes of a more innocent, or naive time when woman always fainted at bad news, it was ok to beat and shoot at the feet of disagreeable servants, and it was right and proper to invade and search a man's property because 'he's a strange sort and could be dangerous'. As charmed as I was though, and as much as I did enjoy the final fifteen or so minutes of zombie mayhem, I have to argue there are much better gothic horrors from this era, and this is far from Naschy's best effort. Yet, it does have a certain something that could warrant a viewing on a stormy night with curtains drawn, lights down low, and goblet of port in hand - 5/10.

Steven@WTD.

Zombie Killers Elephant's Graveyard - review

2015 (USA)

2015 Platform Entertainment DVD R(2)

Contains mild spoilers. 

Let's talk apostrophes. We all get it wrong from time to time, especially when writing, and thought and creativity is more engaged, than say, any desire to satisfy the minutia. It's not Elephant's Graveyard; it's the whole romanticised idea that elephants would collectively travel to some mythical single location to gasp their final breath; there's more than one. It's a small thing I know, but this small lack of attention is quite indicative of director and co-writer Harrison Smith's low budget zombie effort. For as taken as I was with the refreshingly modern and airy look and feel, and enamoured with the highly emotive characters and their story, I couldn't quite shake off all the small niggles and warts that combined to spoil the party. 

So who are the zombie killers? Well, they refer to the rag tag assortment of young waifs and strays tasked with protecting the isolated and fenced town of Elwood. Led with ruthless utilitarian zeal, Elwood under the leadership of Doc (Brian Anthony Wilson), an ex-military medic, has survived the fervent zombie contamination that has taken hold of the planet. For six years, under the sub-command of Seiler (Billy Zane) these young adults have foraged, hunted and risked life and limb outside the safety of the compound to provide for the rather religious and insular group of lowlifes, who as we will discover, would be only too happy to thank them with a bullet to the back of the head should situation or occasion, like not keeping ones space tidy, demand.

For a world ravaged by a multi-species zombie contamination, where society has collapsed, resources are scant and general subsistence has regressed to something akin to the stone-age you'd think people would have better things to do than paint ball or spread malicious rumour because it goes against rather wonky religious ideals. Yet that's what Zombie Killers Elephant's Graveyard is primarily about. It's not a tense or shocking survival thriller but a highly emotive character driven soap-opera where the very real zombie threat plays second fiddle to odd politicking and strange, almost sociopathic adherence to a disjointed dictatorial ideology; and though, as I've stated, it was genuinely refreshing to engage with something with a different take on post-apocalyptic living, it just didn't come together.

I won't spoil the Elephants' Graveyard bit save to say for an ingenious twist on a well-known myth, it wasn't the worst idea I've seen, and certainly garnered some much needed zombie attention just when it needed it. It's a symbolically extreme and audacious idea and that's ok. Unfortunately it also marks the point the film starts to fall apart as if there's a sudden shift in narrative to one where anything goes, and coherence no longer matters. Rather than using it as a tool to pull the surrounding narrative together, this tsunami of madness acts as a catalyst for characters to acts out and the story to descend in to farce which was all a pity.

It's a parasitic, toxoplasmosis pandemic that's intimated to be of Proterozoic origin and has been thrown through time with fracking. In a candid and refreshingly glib post-zombie contemporary monologue which opens proceedings, we learn despite the best will of the uniting world, its swept mankind aside without mercy and this small band may well be all that's left. The some slow / some fast zombies are reasonably made up and realised, as would be expected in 2015 and though there's been an attempt to imbue them with fear, it all rather fails due to their rather comic spasmodic gait. As is now staple, it's the derivative bullet to the brain to stop them though as said, with their seemingly unlimited ammo and firepower it's not them one really needs to worry about. 

I can see what Smith was trying to do, and though the contemporary drama wasn't without charm the post-apocalyptic dystopia has fashioned characters that perhaps are just that too emotionally naïve and hyper-realised to feel plausible or congruous. There's an over simplification; a soap-opera immaturity and though Zane leads a cast who do adequately with what they have, all too often their characters behaviour comes across too extreme; either passive or otherwise, to believably carry the story they're central too. Sure I can understand someone contracting the virus, which Doc confirms with a blood sample, being evicted, and sure I can believe some bastardised reasoning, broken norms and twisted values and even eviction for seemingly minor indiscretions, but ruthless lieutenants more than happy to equate said eviction with totally detached murder is all a bit much. It's also all rather hampered by a convoluted soap-story which staggers in a rather derivative manner for an hour, only to spiral rather absurdly, in a way I'd more associate with The Asylum, to an unexpected, hectic and chin scratching finale, that again, doesn't do anyone any justice. So, certainly interesting, entertaining and reasonably well shot, this low budget zombie TV look and feel melodrama isn't nearly as bad as reviews would lead you to believe, but also doesn't particular deliver the cohesive, authentic post-apocalyptic character driven experience early signs hint of - 5/10.

Steven@WTD.

Bowery at Midnight - review

1942 (USA)

2015 The Film Detective DVD R(0)

Contains spoilers.

  

Bowery at Midnight is a dark film and I'm not just referring to the multitude of night-time outdoor, and basement scenes that combined with the grainy monochrome print make it hard to discern exactly what's going on. Bowery at Midnight is a dark film with psychopaths, double lives, indiscriminate murder, and we've not even got on to the resurrection of the dead. It's also not often I make the case that I'm not entirely sure what the zombies bring to the film other than a mechanism to turn the rather bleak ending into something altogether more cheer-some for those leaving the theatre.

Bela Lugosi may have received the bulk of his fame / infamy from his portrayal of Count Dracula both on stage in the late 20's and then in its big screen namesake in 1931, and then later when Ed Wood rather infamously pulled him from his drug induced oblivion in the late 50's. During the 30s and 40s when avoiding being typecast he starred in many unique films demonstrating both his unrecognised versatility and without question his star talent. In Bowery at Midnight Lugosi plays Professor Brenner by day; an erudite confident psychology professor with doting wife and nice house. By night he assumes the role of Karl Wagner, a philanthropic soup kitchen owner, known for his unconditional kindness and no-questions policy. What his wife, students and those unfortunates he helps aren't aware of, is he's also a double crossing, jewellery robbing, sociopath who takes a huge perverse pleasure in destroying people's lives; and Lugosi is terrifyingly convincing.

Writer Gerald Schnitzer and director Wallace Fox have fashioned quite the intriguing, intelligent, coherent and yet deeply disturbing story of deception, murder and mayhem. Lugosi as Wagner uses the soup kitchen to spot vulnerable young men who might be open to highly illegal but immensely profitable night time skulduggery. Then once the deed is done, with their skills no longer required he, or his right hand man, then kill the fellow leaving him at the scene; not just as one would think, as a way of decreasing the split, but as is revealed subtly over the movie, because he enjoys it too. As he tires, or begins to distrust his lieutenant, they too are replaced and then with the blood still warm he heads home, as Brenner, to his wife (Anna Hope) with gifts and apologies for being up all night researching his next book.

While I've been rather disparaging of the zombie element of the film, taken in isolation I'm rather taken with how Fox has presented them. Dr Brooks (Lew Kelly), a written-off old quack as well as caretaker of both sides of the soup kitchen has seemingly dedicated his spare time to bringing the dead back to life. It's medicine and science and there's no voodoo or magic which is something in itself given the year it was penned. They're also a hard one to define as they're never the focus appearing only as background to the basement action scenes. They're back from the dead, so alive and not undead, but up until the final scene, which I'll come to, they do appear docile and compliant, and not exactly cognisant or the way they were before. Then there's the way Brooks keeps them locked in a room below the basement, refers to them as his pets, and when they're called upon they're unreservedly violent, tearing, metaphorically, into Wagner as the net closes in on his crime spree. The final scene I mentioned? Well to take the edge off a story where the perpetrator does finally get his just deserves, but on reflection has ruined a lot of people's lives by killing an awful lot of loved ones, Fox ends with the resurrected back as their old selves, as if nothing's happened. It's a contradictory couple of minutes I didn't much care for; totally out of place coming as it does, straight after the savage zombie beat down that really should have ended proceedings.

Bowery at Midnight is first and foremost a crime-drama, a suspense driven thriller; and a rather successful one. What it isn't is a horror, supernatural or otherwise, and it's certainly not a zombie film. If anything the resurrected victims of Brook's nefarious schemes are the one element that threatens to break the coherence, in danger of turning a truly dark, subtle, intelligent, and utterly engaging exploration of one man's detached morality, into a bit of farce. Not only is the throwaway idea of an old doctor on his own discovering a way to resurrect the dead incredulous, but more importantly, it tries to remove consequence and impact from the death and destruction graphically witnessed. Bowery at Midnight has moments that are truly evil and raw, Lugosi's performance as an over confident and out of control serial killer is remarkable, and I really don't want to see its resonance minimised for the sake of some silly resurrections and a happy ending. This all being said, and maybe because I'm conditioned to see corpses walking about, I was able to distance myself from the distractions and marvel at what the film does do right, which is an awful lot. A remarkable piece of war time cinema I'll certainly be returning to - 7/10.

Steven@WTD.

Last of the Living - review

2009 (New Zealand)

2009 High Fliers DVD R(2)

Contains mild spoilers. 

I've always found it rather ironic that the zombie film medium itself is so keen to follow the herd with derivative narratives, repetitious cinematography and a hardcore audience always the first up in arms at the first sign of deviation. And I was all ready to chastise Logan McMillan's low budget zombie buddy movie, with its constant inconsistencies, rather impoverished zombie action and general amateur look and feel to the proverbial zombie mass grave. Three rather juvenile, irreverent and one-dimensional characters, an apocalyptic nightmare of working electricity, stocked super-markets and rather sad looking undead all too eager to be dispatched in highly contrived ways, and a story that seemed to be more about the bants than any substance; I really thought we were in for yet another well-intentioned but faltering effort. I should have had faith though, as with a little patience to get through the rather forgettable first fifteen or so minutes, and then forgive it the occasional continuity or coherent dalliance and there's both a quite a tight, complete and entertaining zombie story and a sincere and endearing tale of friendship to be had.

It's six months since the apocalypse took the lives of what looks like all but the scant few, and five since lifelong friends Morgan (Morgan Williams) and Ash (Ashleigh Southam) stumbled across rock wannabe Johnny (Robert Faith) and let him join their frat-boy way of living. They may be all alone, and they may all be desperate for female company, but the total and entire destruction of humanity has generally been a good thing though, allowing time off from accountancy and work, to drink beer, eat chips and play video games without redress. Six months in too and it seems the zombie threat is now pretty trivial with the undead more a ponderous nuisance that an actual danger; and it would have to take something considerable to shake the boys from their inertia

Steff's (Emily Paddon-Brown) violent introduction is the moment Last of the Living springs to life. The lads characters and their relationships are believable and considered but they're shallow and they wear real quick. It's the introduction of a young, feisty, intelligent and good looking girl with a call to arms to save the world not only gives the boys, the viewer, and if the rest of the film is indicative, all involved in the films production, the kick and focus they need. The laboured, lethargic action, is soon replaced with up tempo, and more importantly meaningful zombie woop-assing; the banter with the dynamic drastically ripped apart has deeper resonance, and even the humour seems less forced. The result is a highly polished zombie movie with an assuredness and though the story; really just a to b to c might sound light on paper, less can be more, and here it's more than enough to satisfy, and its also pitched perfect to let the characters and their friendships develop.

If we remind ourselves that it's pre The Walking Dead and a time amazing amateur zombie make-up designers weren't ten a penny, and we remind ourselves the production crew are a small group of friends and the zombies are more than likely local passers-by, then we might just about excuse an aspect of the movie that's far from perfect. Never convincing in looks or behaviour, the undead of Last of the Living almost provide an amateur goofiness undermining without trying, and though I think McMillan ultimately realised with more emphasis on the zombies as a presence in the background to drive the characters rather than the focus of jokes they were never fully convincing. As for the dead themselves? They're quite the generic Romero zombie; dead and on the surface so laboriously slow that I couldn't work out for the life of me how they'd pulled off such a categorical genocide. Towards the end though we see that they're only slow because they're six months dead, and fresh and hungry they're more 28 Days Later and it all made sense.

Far more ambitious and successful than its budget should have allowed, Last of the Living once going, provides a tight, fun and authentic character driven viewing delight. Whilst the action often suffers with less than ideal looking and choreographed zombies and the ambitious outdoor cinematography often felt unnaturally sparse, McMillan ultimately works to the film and budget's strengths; friendship and ennui in post-apocalyptic New Zealand, with resounding success. A feature that feels more than the sum of its parts, no less due in part to utterly engaging musical sound track that echoes the story brilliantly, Last of the Living is testament to amateur film making. Sure it's a slow burn and saddled with an inevitable budgetary hangover, but ultimately I'll recall it favourably for its ambition and courage to be different - 7/10.

Steven@WTD.

The ABCs of Death - review

2012 (USA)

Left Films 2013 Blu-ray R(B/2)

Contains spoilers.

  

I'm quite late to what seems to have become quite the annual celebration of macabre,  grizzly and gruesome nasty experimental film making. The premise was simple. Various acclaimed film makers would be given a letter and told to throw a three / four minutes of video nastiness together; the only limit on their imagination, that there had to be at least one death.

This result is if I'm honest quite the mixed bag. Some are truly fantastic like Marcel Sarmiento's highly polished, highly stylised and original D is for Dogfight and H is for Hydro-Electric Diffusion a hilarious stop-gap animation; but very few seem to possess the confidence to go for a complete old school horror tale; all too quickly and cheaply running to shock, vulgar gore-porn, nudity or even surrealist-humour as a get out.

Still it's easy to wait a few minutes for the next, there's definite wheat in the chaff and there were only a couple I really took so little an interest in, that I didn't get something from seeing them through. 

I'll give special mention to our old friend Noboru Iguchi (Zombie Ass: Toilet of the Dead) who with F is for Fart seems to be continuing his bottom obsession with a quite bizarre and crude existential short that I feel I only appreciated because I'm now somewhat conditioned. There's also U is for Unearthed, a short but generally throwaway pov vampire skit and one of only two that turn to the undead for inspiration.

W is for WTF! (4 mins)

In truth while I'm all for a bit of surrealist humour I really do take a dim view when anarchistic and edgy seems to be nothing more than a seemingly random stream of unconnected ideas thrown together and presented with extreme pretension; that not laughing, or getting it, somehow shows ignorance and lack of enlightenment. I'm not saying playing with the absurd, with juxtapositions and illogical non-sequiturs can't be fun; it's just as with all artistic styles open to abuse and mediocrity; though it's just probably easier to hide.

Directed and written by Jon Schnepp, W is for WTF! unfortunately I feel, falls into the latter camp with an anything goes style designed to disgust and disturb and a series of vulgar and obnoxious ideas that never really comes together. I'm not going to say it never raises a smile or doesn't ever entertain, and it certainly wears its letter loud and proud but as a complete short it feels rather rushed and lazy.

I'm mentioning it solely because one of the so called edgy ideas was zombie clowns; why? For the same reason a flying eye-teeth monster, animated witches and medieval knights, Godzilla Walrus and the cookie monster. Ok, I know I'm being slightly disingenuous and there's some over-arching nonsense about ideas coming to life and a new world reality, but this itself, I suspect, is nothing more than another random story-board throwaway added because why not - 3/10.

So zombies aside, as a modern horror compilation, I'd certainly recommend, though probably as a rental - 6/10.

Steven@WTD.

Shatter Dead - review

1994 (USA)

2005 Odeon DVD R(2)

Contains spoilers.

  

If you can get past the grainy visuals, the deliberate slow pacing, the stilted, and I'm being polite, acting, grandiose pretension and all that comes from a budget I can't imagine was more than the cost of a cup of coffee, then there's something to be said for director / writer / producer Scooter McCrae's high concept zombies with a twist debut movie. It's a big if though. Winner of best independent film at the 1995 Fantafestival, Shatter Dead is not a family and friends, beer and nachos zombie film, nor is it a hide by the sofa gripping teddy or anything close; it's a film to grow a goatee, eat cheese and drink expensive wine too, all the while nodding along though you're really only vaguely following. There's no doubting, in my mind, there's some quite clever and thought provoking stuff going on with post-life immortality, existential nihilism, modernistic ennui all stirred up with Christianity and God's final judgement, but I also have a feeling all I'm really going to recall a year or so from now is that leading actress Susan (Stark Raven) was naked a lot.

Susan is trying to get home. That much I did work out. Her problems however, seem to stem not just from the fact that the dead are no longer staying dead, but that they seem to be really into car-jacking. So with her car and shopping taken, she does what all young women do when offered assistance by a passing stranger, she checks whether he's breathing with a small mirror and after confirming he's not, beats him into submission and steals his vehicle in return. The world McCrae has fashioned is quite the dark and odd one. It's 17 months since 'The Angel of Death', at least that's what she's called on the back cover, came down, had sex with a woman (yes both women, though the Angel was definitely the dom) and ushered in a new age where the dead just don't die. Other than that, they're still people; cognisant, able to talk, drive, work, but also seemingly downtrodden and destitute very much like an untouchable caste with little to no rights. Before Susan stumbles her way back home to boyfriend Dan (Daniel Johnson) her journey takes her to a doss house where she meets undead Mary, naked in the shower no less, into the path of a gang of new order gun freaks who commit quite the bloody massacre, and also inwards, as she's forced to confront her own prejudice and ideals.

I'm not really sure what all of it means, though after watching a short making of documentary on the DVD I'm convinced that while a lot of the ambiguity was by design, there was an equal, if not larger quantity that came from production not matching story-board so I probably didn't stand a chance. The world is broken and with death no longer an objective position people, both sides of fence, are confused and are all looking for answers as to what to do. That's the question McCrae is fundamentally exploring and though the film stumbles incoherently with a narrative that leaves a lot to be desired he does manage to transfer some of the characters existential turmoil to the viewer, and also thoughtfully touch on many of the ramifications that would no doubt ensue. 

Whilst definitely dead I'm not sure I'd call them zombies. I'm inverted to the position I often find myself where I'm arguing the case that just because a particularly rabid / uncontrolled / mindless zombie-esque human (ala 28 Days Later) still has a pulse it doesn't mean they're not eligible to be called one. Here they're just as human as before, albeit without as said, respiratory, cardiovascular or digestive systems. They don't bite, don't desire human flesh and ok, they're at times rather macabre and foul looking, cursed for eternity with their scars from life and how they died, but they seem just as interested in answers to why this all happened as the living. If anything it's the living, especially Susan that seems the aggressor, more than happy to fire a bullet or bludgeon a pretty young face at the slightest provocation. Again though, I think that's the point.

It's hard to be honest, to see past the obvious problem zero budget and ten days shooting obviously caused. The story too is presented in an artsy, laboured and minimalist way that's deliberately obtuse and difficult to follow. I'll hold my hands up too; I wasn't on board to begin, struggling with the amateurish production and the strained, incoherent narrative. Then as the story, and Susan's relationships became more abstract, hazy and uncomfortable I replaced thoughts about the obvious failings with wider more expansive and questioning ones, as one should when confronted with any existential cinematic art. Considered as art too benefits McCrae when it comes to the copious and full frontal nudity and even the blurred pistol penetration which was cut from my UK release copy (it's 20 or so seconds that doesn't effect the film and can easily be found on-line), which I'd consider all a tad excessive and extraneous otherwise. Ultimately though this is a film that will divide and certainly won't be even palatable by most, though especially by anyone wanting any kind of entertaining experience; which sure as eggs is eggs this isn't. Taken as moustache twizzling edgy mixed bag of existential angst though; and taken as a home movie / art project without any and all frills and refinement, it's worth seventy minutes of your time, but don't say you've not been warned - 5/10.

Steven@WTD.

The Dead Hate the Living! - review

2000 (USA)

2002 Digital Entertainment DVD R(2)

Contains spoilers. 

Director and writer Dave Parker's low budget, tongue-in-cheek noughties zombie nonsense screams enthusiasm, spirit and passion, and clearly a lot of time and energy has been invested into capturing early eighties Italian esoteric absurdity and mashing it with the high energy pop-influenced horror comedy that proceeded the decades after. And in many ways it works; one moment dark, strange and uncomfortable, only to seconds later shake off all pretence, and entertain with a more literal, whimsical and contemporary look and feel. It's a unique experience, exclaims Tom Savini on the cover, and I can't argue. The thing is, and looking at it as a complete work, this schizophrenic approach has also led to a film that’s undeniably a bit rubbish. Putting aside the poor pacing; a slow start is a given flaw in amateur horror, and the forgettable and generally uninteresting characters, the biggest problem with The Dead Hate the Living! is the disjointed and utterly unconvincing story. At no point does it ever appear Parker knew where he was going with a tale that seems to be built on random and confounding directorial and narrative decisions. Though maybe that's the point and the continental je ne sais quoi I was alluding too; and there's no doubting the feature is quite the experience…

No doubt Parker thought turning the tables on young and naive teens playing at making their own zombie opus such that they themselves become the stars of the show was clever and original. And it is, with the springing of the joke as dramatic, bloody and entertaining as one could hope. It's the bits leading up and the bits after that’s the problem with Parker seemingly struggling to really know what to do other than play it cliché, corny and hope the narrative itself would telegram the next obvious steps.

The first mistake first time b-movie film maker David Poe (Eric Clawson) makes after discovering the hidden, dark and nefarious lab complete with intimidating coffin was to persuade the rest of the vulnerable and remarkably gullible crew to see it as a good thing to incorporate the corpse of Dr Eibon (Matt Stephens) in their feature, arguing who wouldn't want to watch a Night of the Living Dead film with real dead in. The second, was put his body back into the strangely inscribed sarcophagus. The third, and definitely the one with most post-regret resonance would be plugging it back in and getting your leading man to place the nearby medallion back into its central socket all the while shouting about opening the gates of hell. I'm always torn when narrative is so staged, as to whether I feel it's all brilliantly cheesy, or dreadfully insulting; and the truth is probably both. I know a laughable unforced mistake is at the heart of the zombie trope, but this is perhaps going too far, as at no point watching was I ever thinking, heck screaming, anything other than what the f are you doing?

With the zombies out the chamber, so to speak, it's part slasher, part cat and mouse, part traditional low budget zombie, but plenty of the same baffling survival tactics from the survivors, and nonsensical world domination from the now fully locked and loaded zombie master. So there's some back story explaining his wanton desire to see all the living dead because his wife died of cancer and his desperate search to find an answer so he could break the veil. What doesn't quite complete the narrative though is why he'd shove her now successfully animated zombie shell on a slab in the morgue with all the other stiffs to be killed so easily by the now desperate rag tag survivors. Again, I don't think overthinking it would be good for me. What we need to know is he's an undead lord, turning the key didn't just resurrect his beardy arse but threw the whole hospital in to some space time limbo, and a pivot between the real world, and the world of the dead (think The Beyond and Army of Darkness), and he has quite the motley assortment of mutant zombies ready to help him with his scheme. 

Later, with Parker seemingly running out of ideas these towering, monstrosities Barker Hell-raiser inspired zombie-demons are joined from nowhere by a plethora of Romero clones who act and behave according to all accepted traditional tropes, except they're easily fooled by men with the right bit of make-up; which is handy as that's all David and make-up artist Paul (Brett Beardslee) have at their disposal. Refreshingly they both look and act the part, and I can have no quibbles for what was obviously a small budget. Gore and effects are always in your face too, but though it has its moments, it could never be a film that could be considered dark; the light and trite dialogue make sure of that.

What we have again is a baffling little zombie movie that somehow kind of works because one is able to transcend critical analysis to actually find enjoyment in, and despite, obvious mediocrity. The plot, a baffling, incongruous mess is more than often entertaining, the characters, bar Paul and perhaps Topaz (Jamie Donahue) are dry and hard to get behind; yet as vehicles to react to the zombie threat there's merit to their laboured and uninspired presentation. Matt Stephens is undoubtedly the star of the show and his camp and excessive b-movie performance warrants acclaim despite appearing somewhat ham-strung again with writing and directorial decisions that don't seem to want to ever push him beyond what you'd expect. So, an odd zombie film that demonstrates an awful lot of potential yet seems happy to squander much of it by being a little too scared to really stick to the dark recesses itself suggests; instead becoming a half-way safer and more whimsical house, that satisfies neither position. Still, there is fun to be had with some genuinely nice touches, and as Savani said, it's certainly unique - 4/10.

Steven@WTD.